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Example
Our apples are excellent. Our apples are juicy, crispy and tender. (Concrete) Smithton Company is our big buyer. Smithton Company did more than one million USD worth of business with us in 2005. (Concrete)
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Example 4

They have a decided advantage in regard to freight. (Poor) They have a decided advantage in regard to freight charges (运费). (Better) They informed Messrs. Smith and Richardson that they would receive an answer in a few days. (Poor) They informed Messrs. Smith and Richardson that the latter would receive an answer in a few days. (Better)
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To influence
In
addition to providing information, a business message must also influence the reader’s attitudes and actions.
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To entertain
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Example 3

We do not anticipate any increase in prices in the near future. (Poor) We do not expect prices to rise soon. (Better) Owing to the fact that your competitor’s price is much lower than yours, we cannot accept your offer. (Poor) Because your competitor’s price is much lower than yours, we cannot accept your offer. (Better)

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Correctness

Correct grammar, punctuation and spelling are basic requirements for business writing, In addition, correctness means choosing the correct level of language, and using accurate information and data.ear Sirs, we are sorry you have misunderstood us. (×) Dears Sirs, we are sorry we didn’t make ourselves clear. (√) We cannot understand why you have had trouble with these articles. (×) We presume that there must be some reasons for you having trouble with these articles. (√)
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Complete message
Reminding him of his promise of timely delivery. What losses has this caused you? Asking for compensation if there is any agreement on that. Expecting no such thing will happen again.

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Modern Changes

Goodwill Effects: friendly, courteous things that make relations between people enjoyable.
Other Effects: persuasion/ emphasis/ downplay
Being very polite, even in asking the addressee to pay back the debts or refusing his demands, your letter still should be very mild and tactful. Being prompt in replying to the opposite part’s letter. The reply should usually be sent on the same day. If it is impossible for you to give a prompt reply in detail on the same day, you should write a short not to the client explaining why.

To secure the desired response, it is necessary to have an adequate knowledge of the English language and an understanding of human nature. The writer should have an acquaintance with the particular interest and, if possible, the emotions of the reader. No communication is wholly successful unless it retains the reader’s goodwill.
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Example 6

Suppose you are writing a letter to your supplier telling him that his goods were not delivered on time. What kind of information should you include in your letter?
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Clarity

Clarity tells the reader exactly what he or she wants and needs to know, using words and a format that make your writings totally understood with just one reading. Short, familiar words and simple, short sentences rather than long, difficult words and complex and long sentences are better for this purpose.
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Criteria for Effective Business Writing

Courtesy Clarity Correctness Concreteness Conciseness Completeness
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Courtesy


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Conciseness

Effective writing is concise—each word, sentence, and paragraph counts. Conciseness means to write in the fewest possible words without sacrificing completeness and courtesy. Because a wordy message requires more time to write and read, business people put a high premium on conciseness in business messages. Conciseness will give emphasis to your message.

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Example 2
Enclosed is the copy of receipt. (×) Enclosed is a copy of the receipt. (√) I am looking for another sales channels. (× ) I am looking for other sales channels. (√)

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Completeness

Include all the necessary information and data in the message because information and data can help senders get receivers’ responses and achieve desired objectives. An incomplete message may result in increased communication costs, loss of goodwill, sales, and valued customers, cost of returning goods, and wasted time trying to make sense out of the incomplete message.