1a:Learningaforeignlanguage Learningaforeignlanguagewasoneofthemostdifficult yetmostrewardingexperiencesofmy life.Althoughattimeslearningalanguagewasrustrating,itwaswellworththeeffort.Myexperiencewithlearningaforeignlanguagebeganinjuniormiddleschool,whenItookmy firstEnglishclass.Ihadakindandpatientteacherwhooftenpraisedallofthestudents. Becauseofthispositivemethod,IeagerlyansweredallthequestionsIcould,neverworryingmuc haboutmakingmistakes.Iwasatthetopofmyclassfortwoyears.WhenIwenttoseniormiddleschool,IwaseagertocontinuestudyingEnglish;however,myexperien ceinseniormiddleschoolwasverydifferentfrombefore. Whilemyormerteacherhadbeenpatientwithallofthestudents,mynewteacherquicklypunishedt hosewhogaveincorrectanswers.Wheneverweansweredincorrectly,shepointedalongstickatusand,shakingitupanddown,s houted,"No!No!No!"Itdidn'ttakemelongtolosemyeagernesstoanswerquestions. NotonlydidIlosemyjoyinansweringquestions,butIalsolostmydesiretosayanythingatal linEnglish.However,thatstatedidn'tlastlong.WhenIwenttocollege,IlearnedthatallstudentswererequiredtotakeanEnglishcourse.Unl ikemyseniormiddleschoolteacher,mycollegeEnglishteacherswerepatientandkind,andno neofthemcarriedlong,pointedsticks!Thesituationwasfarfromperfect,though.Asourclasseswereverylarge,Iwasonlyabletoansweracoupleofquestionsineachclassperiod.Also,afterafewweeksofclasses,InoticedthereweremanystudentswhospokemuchbetterthanId id.Ibegantofeelintimidated.So,onceagain,althoughfordifferentreasons,Iwasafraidtospeak. ItseemedmyEnglishwasgoingtostayatthesamelevelforever.ThatwasthesituationuntilacoupleofyearslaterwhenIwasofferedanopportunitytostudyEngli shthroughanonlinecourse.Thecommunication mediumwasacomputer,aphoneline,andamodem. Isoongotaccesstothenecessaryequipment,learnedhowtousethetechnologyfromafriendandparticipatedinthevirtualclassroom to daysaweek.Onlinelearningisnoteasierthanregularclassroomstudy;itrequiresalotoftime,commitmentanddisciplinetokeepupwiththeflowofthecourse.Iworkedhardtomeettheminimumstandardssetbythecourseandtocompleteassignmentsontime.Ipracticedallthetime.IcarriedalittledictionarywithmeeverywhereIwent,aswellasanotebookinwhichIlisteda nynewwordsIheard.Imademany,sometimesembarrassing,mistakes.OnceinawhileIcriedoutoffrustration,andsometimesIfeltlikegivingup.ButIdidn'tfeelintimidatedbystudentswhospokefasterthanIdidbecauseItookallthetim eIneededtothinkoutmyideasandwroteareplybeforepostingitonthescreen.Then,onedayIrealizedIcouldunderstandjustabouteverythingIcameacross,andmostimportant ly,Icould"say"anythingIwantedtoinEnglish. AlthoughIwasstillmakingmanymistakesandwascontinuallylearningnewwaystosaythings,I hadfinallyreapedthebenefitsofallofmyhardwork.Learningaforeignlanguagehasbeenamosttryingexperienceforme,butonethatIwouldn'ttradef oranything.Notonlydidlearninganotherlanguageteachmethevalueofhardwork,butitalsogavemeinsightsi ntoanotherculture,andmymindwasopenedtonewwaysofseeingthings. ThemostwonderfulresultofhavinglearnedaforeignlanguagewasthatIcouldcommunicatewithma nymorepeoplethanbefore.Talkingwithpeopleisoneofmyfavoriteactivities,sobeingabletospeakanewlanguageletsm emeetnewpeople,participateinconversations,andformnew,unforgettablefriendships. NowthatIspeakaforeignlanguage,insteadofstaringintospacewhenEnglishisbeingspoken, Icanparticipateandmakefriends. Iamabletoreachouttoothersandbridgethegapbetweenmylanguageandcultureandtheirs.1b:KeystosuccessfulonlineleaeningWhileregularschoolsstillexist,thevirtualclassroomplaysanimportantroleintoday's learningcommunity. Jobopportunitiesforstudentsareexpandingrapidlyandmorepeopleofallagesarebecomingawar eofonlinelearningthatallowsthemtostudyathome.Onlinestudents,however,requireuniquequalitiestobesuccessful. Thefollowinglistdiscussessomeidealqualitiesofsuccessfulonlinestudents..Beopen-mindedaboutsharinglife,work,andlearningexperiencesaspartofonlinelearning.Manypeoplefindthattheonlinemethodrequiresthemtousetheirexperiencesandthatonlin elearningoffersthemaplacetocommunicatewitheachother.Thisforumforcommunicationremovesthevisualbarriersthathindersomestudentsfromexpressi ngthemselves.Inaddition,studentsaregiventimetoreflectontheinformationbeforereplying.Inthisway,studentscanhelptokeeptheonlineenvironmentopenandfriendly..Beabletocommunicatethroughwriting.Inthevirtualclassroomnearlyallcommunicationiswritten,soitiscriticalthatstudentsfeel comfortableexpressingthemselvesinwriting.Somestudentshavelimitedwritingabilities,whichneedtobeimprovedbeforeoraspartoft heonlineexperience.Thisusuallyrequiresextracommitmentbythesestudents. Whetherworkingaloneorinagroup,studentsshareideas,perspectivesanddiscussionsonth esubjectbeingstudied,andreadaboutthoseoftheirclassmates.Inthisway,studentsgaingreatinsightsfromtheirpeers,learningfromeachotheraswellas theinstructor..Bewillingto"speakup"ifproblemsarise.Rememberthatinstructorscannotseetheirstudentsinanonlinecourse. Thismeansstudentsmustbeabsolutelyexplicitwiththeircommentsandrequests. Iftheyexperiencetechnicaldifficulties,orproblemsinunderstandingsomethingaboutthec ourse,theyMUSTspeakup;otherwisethereisnowayanyonecanknowsomethingiswrong. Ifonepersondoesnotunderstandsomething,possiblyseveralothershavethesameproblem. Ifanotherstudentisabletohelp,heorsheprobablywill. Whileexplainingsomethingtoothers,studentsreinforcetheirownknowledgeaboutthesubject..Taketheprogramseriously.Onlinelearningisnoteasierthanstudyinregularclassrooms.Infact,manystudentssayitrequiresmuchmoretimeandeffort. Requirementsforonlinecoursesarenolessthanthoseofanyotherqualityprogram. Successfulonlinestudents,however,seeonlinelearningasaconvenientwaytoreceivetheiredu cation—notaneasierway. Manyonlinestudentssitatcomputersforhoursatatimeduringeveningsandonweekendsinorderto completetheirassignments. Whenotherpeoplearefinishedwiththeirworkandstudiesandhavingfun,you'llmostlikelyf indonlinestudentsdoingtheircoursework.Onlinestudentsneedtocommit to hoursaweektoeachcourse..Acceptcriticalthinkinganddecisionmakingaspartofonlinelearning. Onlinecoursesrequirestudentstomakedecisionsbasedonfactsaswellasexperience.Itisabsolutelynecessaryforstudentstoassimilateinformationandmaketherightdecisionsb asedoncriticalthinking.Inapositiveonlineenvironment,studentsfeelvaluedbytheinstructorandbytheirclassmate sandfeelgoodabouttheirownwork..Beabletothinkideasthroughbeforereplying.Providingmeaningfulandqualityinputintothevirtualclassroomisanessentialpartofonlinel earning.Timeisgiventoallowforcarefuldevelopmentofanswers. Testingandchallengingofideasisencouraged.Onlinestudentswillnotalwaysberight,sotheyneedtobepreparedtoacceptachallenge..Keepupwiththeprogressofthecourse.Onlinelearningisnormallysequentialandrequirescommitmentonthestudents'part. Keepingupwiththeclassandcompletingalltheworkontimeisvital. Oncestudentsgetbehind,itisalmostimpossibletocatchup. Studentsneedtowanttobethereandneedtowanttheexperience. Theinstructormayhavetocommunicatewithstudentspersonallytoofferhelpandremindthem oftheneedtokeepup.Justasmanyexcellentinstructorsmaynotbeeffectiveonlinefacilitators,notallstudentsh avethenecessaryqualitiestoperformwellonline. Peoplewhohavethequalitiesdiscussedaboveusuallymakeverysuccessfulonlinestudents. Ifyouhavethesequalities,learningonlinemaybeoneofthebestdiscoveriesyouwillevermake.2a：DeepconcernTheradioclickedon.Rockmusicblastedforth.Likeashot,themusicwokeSandy.Shelookedattheclock;itwas:A.M. Sandysangalongwiththewordsasshelaylisteningtoherfavoriteradiostation."Sandy,"shoutedherfather."Sandy,turnthatmusicoff!"SteveFinchburstintoherroom."Whydoyouhavetolistentosuchhorriblestuff?It'sthesamethingoverandover.I'mnotsureitisreallymusic,thoughitdoeshaverhythm.""Ilikethatmusic,Dad;it'smyfavorite.Listenforaminute;I'msureyou'lllikeit."Sandyreachedfortheradiototurnituplouder."No,no,don'tdothat.Ican'tstandit.TurnthatradiodownsoyourmotherandIcan'thearit.I'msurethatmusicishurtingyourearsaswellasyourbrain."Sandywalkedintothebathroomandturnedontheshower. Thenshegrabbedthesoapandwashedthoroughly,includingherhair.Afterhershower,Sandybrushedherhair,putonherold,greenT-shirtandsomejeans. Thensheputonhermakeupandwenttothekitchen.Asusual,shedidn'tknowwhattohaveforbreakfast,soshegrabbedaglassofmilkandateapieceo ftoastwhilestandingbythesink.Justthen,hermother,Jane,enteredthekitchen."Sandy,whydon'tyousitdownandeatyourbreakfast?Itisn'thealthytoeatstandingup.""Iknow,Mom,butIdon'thavetimetositdownandeat.""Didyoufinishyourhomework,dear?""Yes.""Didyoubrushyourteeth?""Mom,Ihaven'tfinishedeatingbreakfastyet.pI'llbrushmyteethwhenI'mdone.""Sandy,whyareyouwearingthatoldT-shirt?pIt'sdisgusting.""Mom,pleasestop.""Stopwhat,dear?""Stopbuggingme.""Sandy,areyouwearingeyeliner?""Yes,Mom,I'vebeenwearingeyelinerformonths.Isn'titpretty?""SandyFinch,you'retooyoungtowearthatmuchmakeup.""Mom,I'mfifteen.I'moldenoughtowearmakeup.Believeme,allthegirlsatschoolwearmakeup.Somehavetattoosandpiercedears,andnosesa ndtongues,too.Mom,Idon'thavetimetotalkaboutthisnow —I'mlate.I'vegottogo.Seeyoulater." Sandykissedhermotherquicklyonthecheek,pickedupherbooks,pandboltedoutofthehouse.AfterSandyhadleftforschool,JaneFinchsatdowninpeaceandquiettodrinkhercoffee.Soonherhusbandjoinedher."Wouldyoulikesomecoffee,Steve?"askedJane."No,thanks,honey.Mystomachfeelsupset—likeit'sfullofknots.It'sprobablythatawfulmusicthatwakesmeupeverymorning.Idon'tthinkI'mold-fashioned,buthearingthosetuneless,offensivelyricsrepeatedlymakesmybloodboil.""Youknow,honey,ifferentmusicappealstodifferentgenerations,"reasonedJane. "Remembersomeofthemusicwelistenedto?"ofsomeoftheknotsinmy Stevesmiled."You'reright.Maybeeatingbreakfastwillhelpmegetstomach.""Didyounoticehowmuchmakeupourfifteen-year-olddaughterwaswearingthismorning?Ican'tbelieveIdidn'tnotice. Isupposeweshouldfeelluckybecausemakeupisourbiggestproblemwithher.I'veseenotherteenagerswalkingaroundtownwithtattoosandpiercingsallovertheirbodies." "Whatworriesme,"saidSteve,"isthatmusiccouldhaveanegativeinfluence onSandy.Idon'tknowwhat'shappeningtoourlittlegirl.She'schangingandI'mconcernedabouther.Makeup,terriblemusic—whoknowswhatwillbenext?Weneedtohaveatalkwithher. Thenewsisfullofstoriesaboutteenagersintroublewhoseparentshardlyknowanythingabou ttheirproblems.""Oh,Idon'tthinkhermusicissoterrible.Butinanycase,you'reright.WeneedtohaveatalkwithSandy,"saidJane. AsJaneFinchdrovetowork,shethoughtaboutherSandy.Sheknewwhatshewantedtosay,whatshehadtosaytoSandy.Shewassogladthat sheandSandycouldstilltalkthingsover.Sheknewshehadtohave patience andkeepthelinesofcommunicationwithherdaughter open.Shewantedtobethereasan anchor forher,butatthesametimeshewouldgiveherfreedom tofindherown identity.2b:Isthereagenerationgap Theterm"generationgap"wascoinedinthes.Oneconceptofthegenerationgapisthatparentsandchildrenhavedifferentvaluesandbelief s.Asaresult,manyparentsfearthatpeeropinionswillbecomemorehighlyvaluedandthatthey inturnwillloseinfluence.Althoughthetermcontinuestobeusedoften,somepeoplearebeginningtoaskthequestion,"Is thereagenerationgapintoday'ssociety?"Onestudycomparedfourgenerations,aged-,-,-,and andover. Severalquestionswereaskedtotapintobasicbeliefsandvalues,suchas"Hardworkisthekeytog ettingahead"and"Americaistheverybestplaceintheworldtolivein". Acrossthegenerations,therewasgreatconsistencyintheresponses.Manystudiesonyouthalsorefutetheconceptofagenerationgap. Thesestudiesshowthatwhileyoungpeopletendtovaluetheirpeers'evaluationsoverparents' onthingslikemusic,clothingandwhat's"cool",theycontinuetolooktoparentsforbasicvalu esandguidanceinthemoreimportantareasoflife,suchascareerandlifetimegoals.Ofcourse,generaltrendscan'talwaysbeappliedtoindividualcases. Itisnaturaltofeellikethereisanuncomfortable"gap"betweenourteensandusandthatthere isaneedtobridgeit.Perhaps,though,theproblemdoesnotlieinadifferenceofopinionsorvalues,butinthewaywe relatetoandcommunicatewitheachother. Herearesometipsfromanarticleentitled"BridgingtheGenerationGap"thatmighthelp.Showrespect.Anattitudeofrespectandtrustcanbecontagious. Youngpeopletendtoseethemselvesthewaytheirparentsseethem.Inturn,theygainself-confidenceandrespectforthemselveswhenyoushowthatyourespecttheirabilitytomakedecis ionsandlearnfromtheirmistakes.Listenmorethanyoutalk.Questioningcansoundlikeinterrogation.Instead,adoptanattitudeofcuriosityratherthancontrol. Askquestionslike"Howso?""Whatdoyouthinknow?""Wereyousurprised?""Whatwillyoudo now?""What'syourplan?""Isthissomethingyouwanthelpwith?" Ifyourobjectisonlytolisten,youshouldbecarefulnottobepreparingyourresponsewhileyo urteenisstilltalking.You'llhearbetterthatway,andtheywillbeencouragedtotalkmore.Askwhetheryourchildwantstohearitbeforesharingyourpointofview. Onlygooniftheysay"yes".Thenbebrief.Don'tlecture,anddon'texpectthemtoagreewithyou.Ifyoustateyourcasewitha"Thisiswhatmakessensetome"attitudeasopposedto"Thisistheri ghtwaytoseethings",heorshecanlistenmoreopenlyinsteadofplanningrebellion.Think"we"insteadof"you"."Wehavechorestodobeforeweleavethehouse;howcanwetakecareofwhatneedstobedone?"Anywayyoucangetacrossthemessage"We'reinthistogether"canhelpbridgegapsthatconflictsm ightotherwisecreate.Keepcalm. Youcaneasilydestroyyourcredibilitybygettingangryortooexcitedduringaconversation.Insteadof"You'reruiningyourlife!",say"I'mconcernedaboutwhatmighthappenif...""W hatdoyouthinkyoumightdoinasituationlikethat?"Don'tapplydoublestandards.Teenagerspaycloseattentiontodoublestandards.Don'texpectthemtofollowrulesyoudon'tfollowyourself.Whetherit'saboutcheckinginbythephone,puttingthingsawayordrinkingoutofthemilkcarton, "DoasIsayandnotasIdo"willnotimprovetherelationship.Admityourownmistakesandtalkaboutwhatyouarelearningfromthem.Showingself-acceptanceandtoleranceforimperfectionisveryencouragingtoteenagers(aswellasotherpe oplearoundyou)andtendstomakeyoueasiertoapproachwithquestions,regretsandchallenges. Apologizewhenyouthinkyouhaddoneorsaidsomethingdifferently,likelosingyourcool orsayingsomethinghurtfulduringanargument.Enjoythem.Thehumor,energyandsenseofpossibilityteenagersoftenhavecanawakenparentstopositive sidesofthemselvestheyhadforgottenorneglected.Whenteensexperiencebeingliked,theyusuallyactmorelikeable.3a:AgoodhearttolearnonWhenIwasgrowingup,Iwasembarrassedtobeseenwithmyfather. Hewasseverelycrippledandveryshort,andwhenwewalkedtogether,hishandonmyarmforbala nce,peoplewouldstare.Iwouldinwardlystruggleattheunwantedattention.Ifheevernoticedorwasbothered,heneverleton.Itwasdifficulttocoordinateoursteps—hishalting,mineimpatient—andbecauseofthat,wedidn'tsaymuchaswewentalong.Butaswestartedout,healwayssaid,"Yousetthepace.Iwilltrytoadjusttoyou."Ourusualwalkwastoorfromthesubwayonwhichhetraveledtowork.Hewenttoworksick,anddespitenastyweather.Healmostnevermissedaday,andwouldmakeittotheofficeevenifotherscouldnot. Itwasamatterofpride.Whensnoworicewasontheground,itwasimpossibleforhimtowalk,evenwithhelp.AtsuchtimesmysistersorIwouldpullhimthroughthestreetsofBrooklyn,N.Y.,onachild's wagonwithsteelrunnerstothesubwayentrance.Oncethere,hewouldclingtothehandrailuntilhereachedthelowerstepsthatthewarmertunne lairkeptfreeofice. InManhattanthesubwaystationwasinthebasementofhisofficebuilding,andhewouldnothavetog ooutsideagainuntilwemethiminBrooklynonhiswayhome.WhenIthinkofitnow,Iamamazedathowmuchcourageitmusthavetakenforagrownmantosubjecth imselftosuchshameandstress.Andathowhedidit—withoutbitternessorcomplaint. Henevertalkedabouthimselfasanobjectofpity,nordidheshowanyenvyofthemorefortunateor able.Whathelookedforinotherswasa"goodheart",andifhefoundone,theownerwasgoodenoughforhi m.NowthatIamolder,Ibelievethatisaproperstandardbywhichtojudgepeople,eventhoughIstilldon'tknowpreciselywhata"goodheart"is.ButIknowattimesIdon'thaveonemyself.Unabletoengageinmanyactivities,myfatherstilltriedtoparticipateinsomeway. Whenalocalbaseballteamfounditselfwithoutamanager,hekeptitgoing. HewasaknowledgeablebaseballfanandoftentookmetoEbbetsFieldtoseetheBrooklynDodgerspl ay.Helikedtogotodancesandparties,wherehecouldhaveagoodtimejustsittingandwatching. Ononeoccasionafightbrokeoutatabeachparty,witheveryonepunchingandshoving.Hewasn'tcontenttositandwatch,buthecouldn'tstandunaidedonthesoftsand. Infrustrationhebegantoshout,"I'llfightanyonewhowillsitdownwithme!I'llfightanyonewh owillsitdownwithme!"Nobodydid. Butthenextdaypeoplekiddedhimbysayingitwasthefirsttimeanyfighterwasurgedtotakead ivebeforethefightbegan.Inowknowheparticipatedinsomethingsthroughme,hisonlyson.WhenIplayedball(poorly),he"played"too.WhenIjoinedtheNavy,he"joined"too. AndwhenIcamehomeonleave,hesawtoitthatIvisitedhisoffice.Introducingme,hewasreallysaying,"Thisismyson,butitisalsome,andIcouldhavedonethis, too,ifthingshadbeendifferent."Thosewordswereneversaidaloud.Hehasbeengonemanyyearsnow,butIthinkofhimoften. Iwonderifhesensedmyreluctancetobeseenwithhimduringourwalks.Ifhedid,IamsorryInevertoldhimhowsorryIwas,howunworthyIwas,howIregrettedit. IthinkofhimwhenIcomplainabouttrifles,whenIamenviousofanother'sgoodfortune,whenIdon'thavea"goodheart".AtsuchtimesIputmyhandonhisarmtoregainmybalance,andsay,"Yousetthepace.Iwilltrytoad justtoyou."3b:Therightsontherighttime ThestorybeganonadowntownBrooklynstreetcorner. Anelderlymanhadcollapsedwhilecrossingthestreet,andanambulancerushedhimtoKingsC ountyHospital.There,whenhecametonowandagain,themanrepeatedlycalledforhisson.Fromawornletterlocatedinhispocket,anemergencyroomnurselearnedthathissonwasa marinestationedinNorthCarolina.Apparentlytherewerenootherrelatives.SomeoneatthehospitalcalledtheRedCrossofficeinBrooklyn,andarequestfortheboytorusht oBrooklynwassenttotheRedCrossdirectoroftheNorthCarolinaMarineCorpscamp.Becausetim ewasshort—thepatientwasdying—theRedCrossmanandanofficersetoutinanarmyvehicle. Theyfoundtheyoungmanwalkingthroughsomemarshesinamilitaryexercise. Hewasrushedtotheairportintimetocatchthesoleplanethatmightenablehimtoreachhisdyingfa ther.ItwasduskwhentheyoungmarinewalkedintotheentrancelobbyofKingsCountyHospital. Anursetookthetired,anxiousservicemantothebedside."Yoursonishere,"shesaidtotheoldman. Shehadtorepeatthewordsseveraltimesbeforethepatient'seyesopened. Themedicinehehadbeengivenforthepainfromhis heartattackmadehiseyes weakandhe couldonlyseetheshadowoftheyoungmaninMarineCorpsuniformstandingoutsidetheoxygenten t.Heextendedhishand.Themarinewrappedhisstrongfingersaroundtheoldman'slimpones,squeezi ngamessageofloveandencouragement.Thenursebroughtachair,sothemarinecouldsitbythebed.Nightsarelonginhospitals,butallthroughthenighttheyoungmarinesatthereinthediml ylitward,holdingtheoldman'shandandofferingwordsofhopeandstrength.Occasionally,thenurseurgedthemarinetorestforawhile.Herefused.Wheneverthenursecameintotheward,themarinewasthere,buthepaidnoattentiontoherandtheni ghtnoisesofthehospital—thebangingofanoxygentank,thelaughterofthenightstaffexchanginggreetings,thecriesandm oansandbreathingofotherpatients.Nowandthensheheardhimsayafewgentlewords.Thedyingmansaidnothing,onlyheldtightlytohissonthroughmostofthenight.Itwasnearlydawnwhenthepatientdied. Themarineplacedthelifelesshandhehadbeenholdingonthebed,andwenttoinformthenurse. Whileshedidwhatshehadtodo,hesmokedacigarette,hisfirstsincehegottothehospital.Finally,shereturnedtothenurse'sstation,wherehewaswaiting. Shestartedtoofferwordsofsympathy,butthemarineinterruptedher. "Whowasthatman?"heasked."Hewasyourfather,"sheanswered,startled."No,hewasn't,"themarinereplied."Ineversawhimbeforeinmylife.""Whydidn'tyousaysomethingwhenItookyoutohim?"thenurseasked."Iknewimmediatelythere'dbeenamistake,butIalsoknewheneededhisson,andhissonjustwasn'there.WhenIrealizedhewastoosicktotellwhetherornotIwashisson,Iguessedhereallyneededme. SoIstayed."Withthat,themarineturnedandexitedthehospital. TwodayslateramessagecameinfromtheNorthCarolinaMarineCorpsbaseinformingtheBrooklynRe dCrossthattherealsonwasonhiswaytoBrooklynforhisfather'sfuneral. Itturnedouttherehadbeentwomarineswiththesamenameandsimilarnumbersinthecamp. Someoneinthepersonnelofficehadpulledoutthewrongrecord.Butthewrongmarinehadbecometherightsonattherighttime.Andheproved,inaveryhumanway,thattherearepeoplewhocarewhathappenstotheirfellowmen.4a:Howtomakeagoodimpression Researchshowswemakeupourmindsaboutpeoplethroughunspokencommunicationwithinsevensec ondsofmeetingthem.Consciouslyorunconsciously,weshowourtruefeelingswithoureyes,faces,bodiesandattitud es,causingachainofreactions,rangingfromcomforttofear. Thinkaboutsomeofyourmostunforgettablemeetings:anintroductiontoyourfuturespouse,ajobinterview,anencounterwithastranger.Focusonthefirstsevenseconds.Whatdidyoufeelandthink? Howdidyou"read"theotherperson?Howdoyouthinkhereadyou?Youarethemessage.For yearsI'veworkedwiththousandswhowanttobesuccessful.I'vehelpedthemmakepersuasivepresentations,answerunfriendlyquestions,communicatemo reeffectively.Thesecrethasalwaysbeenyouarethemessage.Otherswillwanttobewithyouandhelpyouifyouuseyourgoodqualities.Theyinclude:physicalappearance,energy,rateofspeech,pitchandtoneofvoice,gestures,exp ressionthroughtheeyes,andtheabilitytoholdtheinterestofothers. Othersformanimpressionaboutyoubasedonthese.Thinkoftimeswhenyouknowyoumadeagoodimpression.Whatmadeyousuccessful? Youwerecommittedtowhatyouweretalkingaboutandsoabsorbedinthemomentyoulostallself-consciousness.Beyourself.Manyhow-tobooksadviseyoutostrideintoaroomandimpressotherswithyourqualities. Theyinstructyoutogreetthemwith"powerhandshakes"andtellyoutofixyoureyesontheotherp erson.Ifyoufollowallthisadvice,you'lldriveeveryonecrazy —includingyourself.Thetrickistobeconsistentlyyou,atyourbest. Themosteffectivepeopleneverchangefromonesituationtoanother.They'rethesamewhetherthey'rehavingaconversation,addressingtheirgardencluborbeingint erviewedforajob.Theycommunicatewiththeirwholebeing;thetonesoftheirvoicesandtheirgesturesmatchthe irwords.Publicspeakers,however,oftensendmixedmessages. Myfavoriteisthekindwhosay,"Ladiesandgentlemen,I'mveryhappytobehere"—while lookingattheirshoes.Theydon'tlookhappy.Theylookangry,frightenedordepressed.Theaudiencealwaysbelievewhattheyseeoverwhattheyhear.Theythink,"He'stellingmehe'shappy,buthe'snot.He'snotbeinghonest."Useyoureyes.Whetheryou'retalkingtoonepersonoronehundred,alwaysremembertolookatthem. Somepeoplestarttosaysomethingwhilelookingrightatyou,butthreewordsintothesentence ,theybreakeyecontactandlookoutthewindow.Asyouenteraroom,moveyoureyescomfortably;thenlookstraightatthoseintheroomandsmile.Smilingisimportant.Itshowsyouarerelaxed. Somethinkenteringaroomfullofpeopleislikegoingintoalion'scage.Idisagree.IfIdidagree,Icertainlywouldn'tlookatmyfeetorattheceiling.I'dkeepmyeyesonthelion!Lightenup.Onceinastaffmeeting,oneofthemostpowerfulchairmenintheentertainmentindustrybecame veryangryovertinyproblems,scoldedeachworkerandenjoyedmakingthemfearhim.Whenhegot tome,heshouted,"Andyou,Ailes,whatareyoudoing?"Isaid,"Doyoumeannow,thiseveningorfortherestofmylife?"Therewasamomentofsilence. Thenthechairmanthrewbackhisheadandroaredwithlaughter.Otherslaughedtoo.Humorbrokethestressofaveryuncomfortablescene.IfIhadtogiveadviceintwowords,itwouldbe"lightenup"! Youcanalwaysseepeoplewhotakethemselvestooseriously. Usuallytheyareeitherbroodingortalkingagreatdealaboutthemselves.Takeagoodhardlookatyourself.Doyousay"I"toooften? Areyouusuallyfocusedonyourownproblems?Doyoucomplainfrequently?Ifyouansweredyestoevenoneofthesequestions,youneedtolightenup. Tomakeotherscomfortable,youhavetoappearcomfortableyourself.Don'tmakeanyhugechanges;justbeyourself. Youalreadyhavewithinyouthepowertomakeagoodimpression,becausenobodycanbeyouaswellas youcan.4B:Bobylanguage"IlikedhimtheminuteIsawhim!""Beforesheevensaidaword,Iknewtherewassomethingfunnyabouther." Suchstatementsareexamplesof"snapjudgments",opinionswhichareformedsuddenly,seemingly withoutusinganysoundreasonatall. Mostpeoplesaysnapjudgmentsareunsoundorevendangerous. Theyalsoadmittheyoftenmakesnapjudgmentsandfindthemtobefairlysound.Snapjudgmentslike"loveatfirstsight"or"instanthate",iftakenseriously,haveusuallybeen consideredsignsofimmaturityorlackofcommonsense. Whensomeone"hasafeeling"aboutsomeoneelse,peoplemoreoftenlaughthanpayattention. Mostpeoplethinkyoufindoutaboutapersonbylisteningtowhathesaysoveraperiodoftime.Otherssay"actionsspeaklouderthanwords",usuallyinrelationtokeepingpromises,payingb illsorsendingmoneyhome.Becausepeopleassume"youarewhatyousayyouare",theytalkalottobecomeacquaintedwitheac hother.Oncetwopeoplehavebecomeacquainted,theythinkitwastheirconversationthatgavethemtheiri nformationabouteachother.Asbehavioralsciencesdevelop,however,researchersfindtheimportanceofspeechhasbeenover estimated.Althoughspeechisthemostobviousformofcommunication,wedouseotherformsofwhichwemay beonlypartiallyawareor,insomecases,completelyunaware. Itispossibleweareunconsciouslysendingmessageswitheveryaction,messagesthatareunconsc iouslypickedupbyothersandusedinformingopinions. Theseunconsciousactionsandreactionstothemmayinpartaccountforour"feelings"and"snap judgments".Wecommunicateagreatdeal,researchershavefound,withourbodies—bythewaywemove,sit,standandwhatwedowithourhandsandheads. Imagineafewpeoplesittinginawaitingroom:oneistappinghisfingersonhisbriefcase,anot herkeepsrubbinghishandstogether,anotherisbitinghisfingernails,stillanothergrabst hearmsofhischairtightlyandonekeepsrunninghisfingersthroughhishair. Thesepeoplearen'ttalkingbutthey're"saying"alotifyouknowthe"bodylanguage"they'reusin g.Twoofthemost"telling"formsofbehavioraredrivingacarandplayinggames.Noticeaperson'sreactiontostressinthesesituationsandtoaggressivebehaviorinothers. Thosewhoeasilybecomeangry,excited,passiveorresentfulwhendrivingorplayingmaybegiving insightsintotheinsideself.Whileclothingservesapurelypracticalfunction,howyoudressalsocommunicatesmanythin gsaboutyoursocialstatus,stateofmindandevenyouraspirationsanddreams.Aneleven-year-oldgirlwhodresseslikeacollegestudentandaforty-year-oldwomanwhodresseslikeateenageraresayingsomethingthroughwhattheywear. Whatyoucommunicatethroughyourkindofdressdefinitelyinfluencesotherstoacceptthepictur eofyourselfyouareprojecting:Inthebusinessworld,thepersonwhodresseslikeasuccessfulma nagerismostlikelytobepromotedintoamanagingposition.。