Oh, New Yorker, you've done it again. 《纽约客》你又来了Jay, check out this cartoon. 杰快来看这个漫画Does it have a talking dog? 有会说话的狗吗- No, it's a commentary on... - I'm out. -没是在评价... -我不看了Here you go, 给你one of my best efforts. 我最用心做的一个Have at it. 吃吧Mm, I can't eat that. 我不能吃- Why not? - The pickle's touching it. -为什么不能吃 -碰到酸黄瓜了There. 好了The juice got on the bread and, ew, what's that stuff? 面包还是沾到汁了好恶那是什么Spices. 香料They look like sea monkeys. 跟海猴子似的Have you ever really examine a jar of pickles, Jay? 你真的认真观察过酸黄瓜吗杰It's like a swamp there. I'll pass. 黏糊糊的一团我不吃了What happened? 出什么事了I made him a beautiful sandwich and he won't eat it. 我给他做了个美味的三明治他却不吃Yeah, 'cause it had pickles on it. 对啊因为上面有腌黄瓜Joe is taking a nap. 乔在睡午觉I'm gonna go to the dry cleaners. 我要去干洗店Well, if you're passing a sushi restaurant -- 如果你路过寿司店She's not. 她不会路过的I've never heard of anyone not liking pickles. 我从没听过谁不爱酸黄瓜的Aw, big day for you, then. 那今天就是历史性的一天啦I'm just gonna make myself a grilled cheese. 我自己做个烤奶酪三明治好了I think I saw some Gruye in there. 我应该是看到有格鲁耶尔奶酪了Do we have any fig? 我们有无花果吗Sit down. 坐下This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world. 你这种挑剔的毛病出去可不行Never hand people another reason to make fun of you. 别再给别人取笑你的理由了You mean like all the cool kids 你是指那些穿着皮夹克with their leather jackets and their pickles? 爱吃酸黄瓜的酷小孩吗Well, you're gonna sit there 你至少尝一口酸黄瓜until you at least try a pickle. 否则坐在这儿不许走You're drunk with power. 你被权力冲昏头脑了You got that right. 你说对了- Oh, no. - What? -不是吧 -怎么了The Tonys are coming. 托尼要来了Cam, this is exactly why I don't want you watching them -- 小卡所以我才不希望你看那些You're already so angry. 你已经这么生气了Not that Tonys -- 不是托尼奖Anthony Lamarque, botox Tony. 是安东尼·拉马克肉毒杆菌托尼They're coming to the wedding. 他们要来参加婚礼But, seriously, another revival of "Anything Goes"? 但说真的又要上演《万事成空》吗Are we really doing this again? 我们真的又要这样吗I'm surprised that they're coming, 他们要来我很惊讶because when I mentioned the wedding to Tony, 因为我跟托尼提到婚礼时he seemed completely disinterested -- 他表现出毫不在意的样子Oh, the botox. 是因为打了肉毒杆菌啊Oh, no. 不Your cousin Pete, all of his kids. 还有你的表兄皮特他的孩子们都要来Everyone's accepting, Mitchell! 大家都接受了邀请米奇尔We haven't even gotten the list from my dad yet. 我爸的嘉宾名单还没给我呢And your dad's friends drink like soldiers. 你爸的朋友们喝起酒来像当兵的Because they were soldiers. 因为他们确实当过兵I mean, I am grateful for their service, 我很感激他们为国奉献but we are not gonna be able to afford this wedding. 但这样一来婚礼费用我们可承担不起了Okay, maybe we need to pull back on a few things. 看来我们得取消一些东西Like what? 比如什么Uh, the centerpieces? 餐桌中心摆设Why even have a wedding? 那你何必办婚礼呢I don't know, Cam. 我不知道小卡Because we love and respect each other 因为我们彼此相爱彼此尊重and we're raising a child together? 还共同抚养一个孩子吗Do you want to help or not? 你还要不要帮我了Maybe we could send un-vitations. 也许我们可以发一些"不邀请信"Is that a thing? 有这东西吗We've already made a lot of people angry 因为我们现在可以结婚by just being able to get married. 已经惹怒很多人了Let's not alienate the ones on our side. 就别把支持我们的人也疏远了All right. Maybe we could sell something. 好吧也许我们可以卖掉些东西We're thousands over budget. 已经超预算几千美元了It would have to be something great. 得卖个大件的才行Here, you can sell my diamond ring. 给你你可以把我的钻戒卖了Oh, honey, that's candy. 亲爱的那是糖果啦I'm gonna kill that Jackson! 我要杀了那个杰克逊I do have something of value -- 我确实有些贵玩意儿A "Spider-man versus doctor octopus" comic book. 一本《蜘蛛侠大战章鱼博士》漫画书Issue number 3, 1963, near-mint condition. 第三本 1963年出版几乎全新It's worth 5 grand. 值五千美元I traded a football for it when I was 9 years old, 我9岁那年用一个橄榄球换的and my dad was mad 我爸气疯了because the football was signed by Dan Marino. 因为那上面有丹·马里诺的签名I said, "Get it signed by Rita Moreno, and I'll keep it." 我说找丽塔·莫雷诺签名我就留着Oh, no. 不是吧My nephews are flying in from Tulsa 我侄子们要从塔尔萨飞过来-- the big ones. 胖胖的那几个The pie eaters? 特别能吃派的那些吗That's it. I got to sell my Wyatt Earp. 没错我得卖掉我的怀亚特·厄普了This here is a belt buckle once worn by the great Wyatt Earp.这是怀亚特·厄普曾用过的皮带扣My grandpa gave it to me when I was 7 years old, 我爷爷在我7岁那年给我的and he said,"Son, this will keep the bad guys away." 他说孩子这会保护你远离坏人In my early 20s, I wore it to 我20出头时曾戴着它去参加a Cowboys-and-Indians disco party. 牛仔和印第安人主题迪斯科派对And let's just say it didn't. 但是没有起作用哦No. I can't let you do that. 不行我不会让你这样做的That means the world to you. 它对你意味着一切Cam, I will sell my "Spider-man." 小卡我会卖了我的《蜘蛛侠》Mitchell, my belt buckle was owned 米奇尔我的皮带扣曾是by a legend of the old west. 老西部传奇人物的东西I don't think your comic book 我觉得你的漫画书卖的钱would even cover our balloon budget. 可能连买气球的钱都不够Well, that's very offens-- 这话就太刺...Wait. What's the balloon budget? 等等买气球要花多少钱Hey, mom, can we put this stuff somewhere else? 妈能把这东西放到别的地方去吗It's cluttering up my room. 它让我的房间显得好乱What is it? 这是什么Oh, just some mementos of mine. 我的一些纪念品A few of your dad's. 还有你爸爸的- Oh, Zima! - Yeah. -齐马 -是啊What's Zima? 齐马是什么Just a party in a bottle. 瓶子里的派对Man, that reminds me of some wild times. 那让我想起了狂野的时刻Cranking the Bjork in my Saturn 在我的土星车里放着比约克的歌before me and my buddies snuck some "Z" 然后一起在影院看《西雅图夜未眠》时into "Sleepless in Seattle." 呼呼大睡I wish you'd covered my ears for that. 真希望你也捂住了我的耳朵Ooh, mom. Who's this hottie with his arm around you? 妈妈抱着你的这个帅哥是谁啊Cute! 帅爆了Oh, that's Bobby Nash, my old boyfriend. 那是鲍比·纳什我的前男友Why'd you break up with him? For dad? 你为什么和他分手为了爸爸吗Let's just say he took his eye 这样说吧他没盯住球off the ball and struck out. 结果被三振出局了So I stepped up to the plate 于是我站到了垒板上and nailed her in the cheap seats. 在票价低廉的座位上搞定了她Yeah, let's not say that. 别那样说Well, I'm off. 我要走了Oh, honey, I've got to stop by the drug store. 亲爱的我得去药店Do you need anything? 你需要什么吗No, thank you, my dear. 不用亲爱的The Dunphy glands produce all the drugs I need. 邓菲腺体能分泌我需要的所有药物Except for, uh, foot spray. 除了足部喷雾Could you grab me some of that? 你能买一些来吗Sure. 当然可以Oh, wow, mom! 妈妈What a dork, right? 真是呆对吧What were you thinking? 你当时想些什么呢It was comfortable. My dad didn't approve. 但是很舒适我爸爸不同意Enough said. 无须多言I know it's hard to believe, 我知道这难以置信but I was actually a bit of a nerd back in the day. 但我过去其实有点呆And it was suggested that I was out of my league 我追克莱尔时别人说我是癞蛤蟆when I landed Claire. 想吃天鹅肉By Jay, mostly. 大部分是杰说的And my friends. A-and my parents. 还有我的朋友们还有我父母And Claire. 还有克莱尔What's this? 这是什么Oh, my gosh. 天啊That is your father's answering machine from college. 那是你爸爸大学里的答录机God, I sometimes forget how old you guys are. 天啊我有时忘了你们有多老You've reached Phil's world! 你来到了菲尔的世界Party time! Excellent! 该狂欢了太棒了He's so cute. 他真可爱Hi, Phil. This is Mitchell, 菲尔我是米奇尔uh, Pritchett, Claire's brother. 普里契特克莱尔的弟弟I just wanted to thank you for setting me up with your cousin.我就是想感谢你安排我和你表妹见面She was very nice. 她人真好The only problem is she lives kinda far, so... 唯一的问题是她住得有点远所以That's the only problem? 那是唯一的问题吗Hey, Dunph-dog, it's Ling. 邓菲狗我是林Grab your rollerblades 带上你的旱冰鞋and meet us at the bike path, playa! 在自行车道和我们见面吧嗨起来But I got to be done by 3:00, 但我三点就得走了'cause today's the day I fly my new helicopter. 因为今天我要试飞新直升飞机Phil, hey, it's Claire. Um... 菲尔我是克莱尔I need to tell you something, 我得告诉你一件事and I don't want to do it on your machine. 我不想在电话里说It's really important -- 这事很重要- Oh, no, no, no. - You know, life-and-death important. -不不不 -生死攸关Come on. Come on. 给我给我Not death, um, just life. 跟死无关只是生[生命]I mean... 我是说...I just -- oh, hell, I'm pregnant! 我只是... 该死我怀孕了Oh, sweet newlyweds! 甜蜜的新婚夫妇啊Don't worry. You don't have to marry me or anything. 别担心你没必要娶我什么的Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快聊聊吧Why weren't we more careful? 我们为什么不多加小心呢Stupid Duran Duran concert. 愚蠢的杜兰杜兰音乐会All right! 好了That's enough. 够了I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert? 我是在杜兰杜兰音乐会上被怀上的吗Classy start to a classy life. 优雅人生的优雅开始啊You were not conceived at the concert. 你不是我在音乐会上怀上的It was after the concert. 而是在音乐会后Oh, wha-- in the car?! 什么在车里吗It was a very nice car. 那是一辆好车Listen, I am done. Stop snooping. I'm going. 我受够了别再问了我要走了The seats folded all the way back. 车座靠背可以完全放平Oh, images. 恶心的画面I can't believe they kept it. 他们居然把"它"留下了I have a name. 我是有名字的The answering machine. 我是指答录机You know, we could have some fun with this. 我们可以拿它找点乐子I'm home! 我回来了Hi, mom. 妈妈Manny, what are you doing sitting in front of a pickle? 曼尼你为什么坐在一根酸黄瓜面前Jay says I can't leave until I taste it. 杰说我得尝尝它的味道否则就不许走Why do you torture him like this? 你为什么这样折磨他'Cause he's too stuck in his ways, Gloria. 因为他太固执己见了歌洛莉亚This is good for him. 这对他有好处He'll taste the pickle, he'll find that he likes it, 他会尝尝泡菜发现自己喜欢吃he'll try more things. 然后尝试更多的东西This is good parenting. 这是教子有方This is not going to play well in my memoir. 在我的自传里不会把这写成什么好事You know, you're one to talk. 你真会耍嘴皮子How many times have I asked you 你跟你说过多少遍to try my mother's blood sausages? 让你尝尝我妈做的猪血肠Totally different. That's disgusting. 不是一回事那香肠恶心死了How do you know it's disgusting if you've never tried it? 你从来没吃过怎么知道很恶心You've never tried grandma's delicious blood sausage 你从没尝过奶奶做的美味的猪血肠吗that's right there in the freezer? 冰箱里就有啊Oh, you're right. 你说得对We do have some left over. 我们确实还有些剩下的Really? It hasn't been all gobbled up yet? 是吗还没有被哄抢着吃光吗Okay, Mr. Father of the year, 好了 "年度最佳父亲"time for you to show Manny that you're not a hypocrite.该向曼尼展示你不是个光说不做的人了Looks like you're in quite a conundrum. 看来你陷入两难了You know, you could've said -- 其实你可以说"A pickle"! Dang it! It was right there. "酸黄瓜" 该死就摆在眼前"A pickle"! Dang it! It was right there. [in the pickle同指陷入两难]Hello. 你好Hi. Can I help you? 你好需要帮忙吗Uh, yes. 是的Um, I have something pretty special 我有一个很特殊的东西that means the world to me, 对我来说意义重大yet I gladly part with it 但我愿意卖掉它to prove my love for my fiance 为了证明我对我未婚夫的爱- Cam, you don't have to... - I do. -小卡你不用 -我要这样做This is a belt buckle that was once owned 这个皮带扣以前的主人是by the legendary Wyatt Earp. 传奇的怀亚特·厄普[西部警长]And when my grandfather gave it to me, and rest his soul, 当我祖父把这个给我时愿他安息he said”son, this year is a 他说孩子今年...Are you ok? 你还好吗I can't be here for this. You do it. 我做不到你来吧And get a price on that divine lamp. 顺便再问问那盏灯卖多少钱Um, anyway... 不管怎么样Look, I didn't want to say anything 我不想当面打击in front of your fiance 你的未婚夫but this is a cheap replica 但这只是个60年代时given away by a gas-station chain in the '60s. 加油站连锁店卖的廉价复制品There's tons of them out there. 市面上有一大堆It's worth about 20 bucks. 也就值20块Are you sure? 你确定吗Pretty sure. 非常确定That family loves to dress up a story. 他家的确喜欢夸张[打扮]故事And a pig. 还有打扮小猪Well, how about a first-edition number 3 那基本全新的初版"Spider-man versus doctor octopus" in near-mint condition?《蜘蛛侠大战章鱼博士》第三本能卖多钱呢Keep talking. 继续说That... 其实Uh, uh, that's pretty much it. 其实这就是全部了Why isn't she calling? 她怎么还没打来Aren't you the doubter? 你总是对事情抱着怀疑态度She'll call in three... 她会打来倒数三two-o-o-o... 二One! One's next! 一该数一了Yeah. 我知道Press record. 开始录音Hi, mom. 喂妈妈Haley, honey, 海莉宝贝did you mean to send this text to your dad? 你是想发这条短信给你爸爸吧Text? What does it say? 短信什么短信"I hate to spoil your golf game, but..." "抱歉打扰你打高尔夫但是..."Uh, no, no. I-I didn't send that. 不是我没发那条短信Must have accidentally dictated 肯定是你和爸爸说话时when you and dad were talking. 手机不小心听写了Okay. That's weird. 好吧奇怪了Well, while I have you on the phone, 正好我打给你了would you mind emptying the dishwasher and doing -- 你能把刷碗机里的餐具拿出来Oh, you're breaking up. 你那边的信号弱了Haley, can you hear me now? 海莉能听见我说话吗Nope. Bye. 听不见了再见- Got it. - Told you we'd get it. -大功告成 -跟你说了没问题吧Now just for a little creative editing... 只需创造性地剪辑一下Your mind is so brilliant. 你那么聪明If you put this much effort into your schoolwork, 如果你把这份聪明用到学习上的话there is no telling the things you could -- 你一定能成就...Why do you have to ruin everything? 你为什么总是那么扫兴I know, she's always talking about my potential. 是啊她总是在说我的"潜力"Fore! 当心Do you think I hit her? 你觉得我打到她了吗Nah, she's fine. 没有她没事Sorry I'm so distracted today. 对不起我今天太分心了What's wrong, buddy? 怎么了哥们Let me ask you something. 我问你件事Do -- do you ever get the sense 你会不会有时候觉得that your wife feels like she could have done better? 你配不上你妻子God, no. Nah, she's the luckiest woman on earth. 天呐不会她找到我算是三生有幸I mean, if anything, I could've done better. 非要说的话是她配不上我The noises that come out of that woman at night? 那女人夜里发出的噪音It's like she's that black guy from "Police Academy." 就好像她是《警察学校》里的那个黑人Oh, speak of the devil. 说曹操曹操就到Message from my wife, 我老婆发来的信息not the black guy from "Police Academy." 不是《警察学校》里的那个黑人Oh, that'd be so awesome. 要真是他发的才给力呢That would be neat. 超给力的Phil? Hey, it's Claire. 菲尔我是克莱尔Um, I hate to spoil your golf game, but... 抱歉打扰你打高尔夫球但是...I'm pregnant! 我怀孕了What? 什么Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快谈谈吧I have to leave. 我得走了What? We're in the middle of a game. 什么我们正在打比赛呢I have to be with Claire! 我得去找克莱尔Oh -- my clubs! 我的球杆My hat! 我的帽子My sandwich! 我的三明治I'm sorry I freaked out in there. 对不起我在里面崩溃了How -- how much did we get for it? 我们卖了多少钱You know, here. I couldn't do it. 给你我做不到What? No. 什么不是吧This belt buckle means so much to you. 这个皮带扣对你来说意义重大I'm just gonna -- I am going to sell my comic book instead. 我决定...还是把我的漫画卖了Oh, Mitchell, that is so sweet. You know -- 米奇尔你真是太贴心了The idea of me parting ways with a belt buckle 一想到我要跟我爷爷与怀亚特·厄普that my grandfather arm-wrestled Wyatt Earp for -- 掰手腕赢来的皮带扣说再见He arm-wrestled him? 他掰手腕赢了他吗Oh, yeah, but not in a contentious way. 是啊但不是因为有争论才比赛You know, they were friends. 要知道他们是朋友My grandfather saved his life during a train robbery. 我爷爷在一次火车劫案里救了他A -- a train robbery? That's -- wow. 火车劫案太惊人了Cam, wow! Yeah. 小卡这太惊人了They had a real bond. 他们关系很铁The great Wyatt Earp and honest Abe Tucker. 伟大的怀亚特·厄普和诚实的亚伯·塔克I have it, I'll store it, 我心里知道不拆穿and if I need to, I will use it. 必要时再拿出来说You know what? I quit. 这样吧我放弃Pardon me for trying to broaden his horizons. 原谅我试图让他开眼界No, no, no. You're not quitting anything. 不不你绝对不能放弃You're going to eat your sausage, 你得把香肠吃了and you're going to eat your pickle. 而你得把你的酸黄瓜吃了I am tired of every day cooking two different meals. 我已经受够每天做两种饭了No tomatoes. White meat only. Extra bacon. 不要番茄只要白肉多加培根He gets extra bacon? What the hell? 他能多吃培根凭什么Today is the day you two are stopping this silliness! 你们今天必须把这毛病改了Fine, we'll all conquer something today. 我们今天都必须克服一些东西What do I have to conquer? I eat everything. 我有什么好克服的我什么都吃- Pet Stella's belly. - What? -抚摸斯黛拉的肚子 -什么You won't touch Stella's belly. 你从来不摸斯黛拉的肚子Yeah, because it's the creepiest thing ever. 因为感觉太奇怪了Has like 30 nipples. 她有三十多个乳头I'll eat the blood sausage, 我会把猪血肠吃掉Manny eats the pickles, 曼尼会把酸黄瓜吃掉you pet her belly. 而你要抚摸她的肚子I'd rather eat the dog. 我宁愿把狗吃了Don't be a hypocrite. 别做个光说不练的人Nice and long, like you mean it. 要长长的爱抚发自内心的I want to see that leg shake. 我要看到她舒服得抖腿- Let me get these! - What's happening? -我来拿吧 -发生什么事了- I'm just so happy! - Really? -我就是太高兴了 -真的吗Oh, did you finally get a hole in one? 怎么你一杆进洞了吗A hole in one. 一杆进洞I hope our baby has your sense of humor. 我希望我们的宝宝也这么幽默- Our what? - Why didn't I see it? -我们的什么 -我怎么没看出来呢The drug store, the bloated ankles, 去药店关节肿胀you've been so moody lately... 你最近脾气也大了What are you talking about? 你在说什么There it is. 你看这暴脾气Phil, I am not pregnant. 菲尔我没怀孕- You're not? - No. -你没有吗 -没有Well, why'd you leave me that message? 那你怎么跟我留言说怀孕了Didn't leave you a message. 我没有给你留过言Are you sure? You're very forgetful when you're pregnant. 你确定吗你怀孕时忘性特别大I think I would remember! 我觉得我能记得住Then why have you been so moody? 那你为什么最近脾气这么大Maybe because you just told me I have giant ankles! 大概是因为你刚刚说我关节肿大Shh, I don't want him to hear us fight like this. 我不希望宝宝听到我们吵架Give me this. 把东西给我Okay. This is gonna be good for everybody, 这会对大家都有好处So let's get it over with. 所以赶快行动吧- Fine. - Okay. -好吧 -好吧We'll go on the count of three. 我们数三下One... 一Two... 二Three. 三Uh! Oh, no! 不I'm gonna throw up! 我要吐了Why so moist, Jay?! Why?! 怎么这么湿杰为什么Is this a bad time? 我们来的时机不对吗Sorry to barge in here like this. 很抱歉我们来得这么突然I guess it's weird that, uh, I'm still storing stuff here. 感觉挺奇怪我还把东西放在这里I just wish you would have come in sooner 我希望你来得再早一点before I went to second base with Stella. 在我跟斯黛拉上二垒之前All right, I'll be two minutes. 只需要两分钟If you need money for the wedding, 如果你需要资金来筹备婚礼why sell something that you love? 为什么要把心爱之物卖掉呢Why don't you just ask Jay? 为什么不跟杰开口No. No. No. No. 不不不不Why not? He's your father. 为什么不他是你爸I don't feel right asking my dad for money, okay? 跟我爸爸开口要钱让我很不舒服I'm an adult, and I have my comic book. 我成年了而且我还有我的漫画书I hate to spoil your golf game, but... 抱歉打扰你打高尔夫但是...I'm pregnant! 我怀孕了Let's talk as soon as you can. 我们尽快谈谈吧Oh, they are good. 他们真厉害I can't believe they pulled such an elaborate stunt. 简直不敢相信他们能做得这么天衣无缝I don't know whether to be angry or impressed. 我不知道是该生气还是该赞赏It's so diabolical. 简直太邪恶了I don't know where they get that... 不知道他们从哪里弄到的Wait. Wait. Wait. 等等慢着We could really have some fun with this. 我们可以好好捉弄一下他们You know, it's funny, 说来好笑I never saw you as a comic-book guy. 我从来不知道你喜欢漫画书Oh, no, I wasn't, but I don't know. 我不喜欢我也不知道Spider-man -- 《蜘蛛侠》He -- he spoke to me. 让我产生了共鸣I -- I think it's because it's about this nerdy kid 我觉得大概是因为这种who has this special secret side of himself 一个小书呆子有着that he can't share with anybody, and -- 不可告人的另外一面的感觉And that's how I always felt. 我一直也都是这么觉得的Spider-man made me feel like it was okay to be different.蜘蛛侠让我觉得与众不同没什么不好And...it made me feel tough enough to -- 而且他让我在遇到困难时to get through the rough times. 变得足够坚强Oh, Mitchell, that's so sweet. 米奇尔这真让人感动I didn't know that. 我都不知道是这样的Are you sure you want to sell it? 你确定要把它卖了吗Yes, yes. 是的确定Because, like Spider-man, I am brave and strong. 因为就像蜘蛛侠一样我勇敢坚强- Oh! Spider web! Spider web! - Mitchell. -蜘蛛网蜘蛛网 -米奇尔It's in my mouth. 弄到我嘴里了- Oh, Mitchell! - What?! Oh! -米奇尔 -怎么了天哪No! No! Oh, no! 不不不Give me a break, Phil! 得了吧菲尔What do you want from me?! 你到底想我怎么样- Shh! - I didn't say anything. -小声点 -我什么都没说啊A little compassion when you thought I was pregnant 你听说我怀孕的时候would have been nice! 能不能多点热情I'm sorry. It was a knee-jerk reaction. 对不起那是我的下意识反应You got that half right! 说你是个混蛋[jerk]倒是真的Well, you're not pregnant, anyway, so who cares?! 反正你也没怀孕谁在乎呢And what did I say that was so terrible?! 我说了什么你这么大火气Well, I believe your exact words were, 用你的原话说就是"Great, another kid that we could screw up.” 太好了我们又有一个孩子可以糟蹋了Oh, I'm sorry. But we both know that's true. 那对不起了但我们都知道我说得没错Wait. Are you saying we never should have them in the first place. 等等你是说我们根本不应该要孩子吗Like you never said that! 就好像你没这么说过一样This is awful. 这太糟了This is what you thought gonna happen? 你一开始就知道会这样吗I didn't think that far ahead. 我想不到那么远的I never do. You know that. 从没想过你知道的You should've stopped me! 你应该阻止我的You said this was going to be fun! 你说这会很有趣的Nobody is having fun! 现在没有人觉得有趣Careful?! Please, Phil! 说话注意点菲尔If you hadn't gotten me pregnant, 如果你没有把我的肚子搞大I never would have married you! 我根本不可能嫁给你I would have married Bobby Nash! 我肯定嫁给鲍比·纳什了- You would?! - Oh, yeah! -真的吗 -是啊And right now, I would be on my 100-acre ranch in Aspen现在我就该在阿斯本一百亩的大庄园里了with my strapping 6'4" hedge-fund husband! 和我两米多高做对冲基金的老公一起You really wish you'd married Bobby? 你真的希望你嫁的是鲍比吗Oh, every single day! 每天都这么希望No, Phil. 等等菲尔Dad, are you okay? 爸爸你还好吗Yep. 还行That's what I am to everyone around here. 这家里每个人都这么看我- Mom... - Just "Okay." -妈妈 -只是"还行"而已- Phil! - Hey, mom? -菲尔 -妈妈- Not now. - Phil! -等会儿 -菲尔You guys hear that? We totally got them! 你们听见了吗我们完全骗到他们了Quick! We need a blow dryer! 快点我们需要个吹风机Is this some sort of gay emergency? 是有什么基佬紧急情况吗No, dad, it's not a gay emergency! 不爸爸不是什么基佬紧急情况It's my comic book. 是我的漫画书We need to -- ohh, god! 我们要... 天呐It's ruined. 全毁了Mitchell, it's okay. 米奇尔没事的It probably wasn't worth that much anyway. 反正也许并不值那么多钱It was worth $5,000! Your belt buckle is garbage. 这书值五千块你的皮带扣分文不值It came from a gas station! 那是从加油站买的Your grandfather never met Wyatt Earp! 你祖父从来没见过怀亚特·厄普I didn't hold on to that for quite as long as I thought. 这个秘密看来没有保守太久Hey, I'm sorry. 对不起I -- I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. 这事我没想说的No, it's -- it's okay. 不没关系I -- I kinda suspected the dates didn't line up. 我也怀疑过时间点不太对Now I'm starting to think that wasn't 现在我开始怀疑那到底是不是Amelia Earhart's compass. 阿梅莉亚·埃尔哈特的指南针了I'm so sorry, but I am sure that Jay can help you two out. 太可惜了但我觉得杰肯定能帮到你们No, no, no, no, no. 不不不We want to do this on our own. 我们想自己解决这个问题Can I ask you a question? 我能问个问题吗Why are you having such a big thing anyway? 你们为什么要弄一个那么大的婚礼Well, because we're only getting married once. 因为我们只结一次婚啊I'm just saying, why do you need to make into a spectacle?我只是想说为什么你们要如此大张旗鼓A s-- a spectacle? 大张旗鼓This could be the universe's way of telling you 这也许正是老天想要暗示你们to bring it down a notch. 把婚礼搞得低调一点Invite your family, your friend Pepper, 邀请家人还有你们的朋友胡娇and, what's his name, the -- the -- the flouncy one? 还有那个叫什么的爱穿荷叶边的那个Uh, L'david. L·大卫I don't have a flouncy friend named L'david, dad. 我没有爱穿荷叶边的叫L·大卫的朋友Do -- do you mean L'michael or J'marcus? 你是说L·迈克或是J·马库斯吗I'm not sure who you're referring to. 我不太确定你说的是谁Whatever. 管他呢I'm just saying keep it small. 我就是说低调一点Why pay all that money for people you barely know?为何要为了几乎不认识的人花那么多钱呢Oh, oh, you mean like any of your friends? 你是说你的那些朋友吗Oh, please, you don't want any of my friends there. 拜托你不会想邀请我的朋友们的Really? Because I've -- 真的吗因为我I've been asking for a list for months now. 我管你要名单都要了几个月了So, so who doesn't want them there -- 到底是谁不想让他们来呢me or you? 我还是你Why are you getting upset? 你为什么生气Because, dad, if -- if this was Claire's wedding, 因为如果这是克莱尔的婚礼you would be all over it. 你就会投入得多了You'd be wanting to have it at your club. 你甚至会要求在你的俱乐部办You'd be inviting all your friends. 你会邀请你所有的朋友Oh, please! 拜托I wasn't that thrilled when Claire got married, either. 克莱尔结婚时我也一样不那么兴奋"Either"? For god's sake, just stop talking. "也一样" 老天爷啊别说了Everybody back off. 所有人都退一步I don't think I'm out of line 我不觉得我说得过分suggesting my friends don't want to see 我的朋友不会想在盛大的a father-son dance at a big gay wedding. 同志婚礼上看父子共舞There is no father-son dance, dad. 根本没什么父子舞老爸I don't know what things go on there. 我不知道在同志婚礼上是什么情况Do I walk you down the aisle? 我需要牵着你走红毯吗Does someone throw a bouquet? 会有人扔花束吗。