Telling you, Ross, she wants you.She barely knows me. We just live in the same building. - Any contact? - She lent me an egg.- You're in! - Right.- Hey, Ross. - Hey!Come on. Ross, you got get back in the game.The Rachel thing isn't happening,your ex-wife's a lesbian....I don't think we need a third.Excuse me. Could we get an egg, still in the shell?An egg?Yeah. You gonna go up to her and say,"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."I think it's winning.- It's insane. - She'll love it.-Thank you. -Thank you. Here.Go with the egg, my friend.Go, go, go!- Think it'll work? - No way. It's suicide.The man's got an egg.- You can't do this. - Do what?Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.No! Pheebs, don't you remember why you dumped him? Because he was creepy.And mean. And a little frightening.Still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guyany night of the year.I know I do.What are you guys doing tomorrow night?Actually tomorrow night kind of depends on how tonight goes. - About tonight - Don't ger your bail on me!The only reason she's goin' out with meis because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.Yes I know, but her friend sounds like such a...Pathetic mess. I know, but....Come on, man. She's needy, vulnerable.I'm thinking....Thanks.You haven't been out with a woman since Janice.You're doing this.- She said yes. - Way to go, man!- Still got the egg,huh? - Yeah.How do I look?I don't care.There's Lorraine.Remember. No trading.You get the pretty one, I get the mess.Hi, Joey.Well, well! Look what you brought!Very nice.And what did you bring?She's checking her coat.Joey, I'm gonna wash the cab smell off of my hands.Get me a white zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.Janice?Janice!?Oh......my......God!Hey, it's Janice!Okay, I'm making a break for it! I'm going out through the window. No, no, no, I've been waiting for, like,forever to go out with Lorraine.- Just calm down. - Calm down?You set me up with a womanI've dumped twice in the last five months!Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous and....I can't go when I'm nervous.I'm sorry, you're right.Come on! Do it, do it!Roger was creepy,but he was nothing compared to Pete Carney.- Which one is Pete Carney? - Pete the Weeper.Remeber the guy that used to cry every time we had sex?"Was it good for you?"I'd take crying any day over Howard, the "I win" guy!"I win! I win!"We went out for two months. I didn't win once.How do we end up with these jerks?- We are good people! - I don't know.We're some kind of magnets.I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch.There's more beer, right?You know my friend who shaves her head?She says to break the bad boyfriend cycle......you can do a cleansing ritual.Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.Yeah.We can do it tomorrow night.It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect.Okay, what kind of ritual?We can burn the stuff they gave us.Or...?Or we can chant and dance around naked with sticks.Burning's good.You know...... ever since I was little, I can pick up quarters with my toes.Yeah? Good for you.Quarters or rolls of quarters?By the way, Chandler, I cut you out of all of my pictures.So if you want, I have a bag with just your heads.That's okay.Are you sure, really? Because you could make little puppets out of them.And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty! We can't do that!What? What can't you do?Can I talk to you for a second? Over there?We might be leaving now.Tell me it's you and me "we."She wants to slather my body with stuff and lick it off. I'm not even sure what slathering is!But I definitely want to be a part of it!Okay, you cannot do this to me.You're right. I'm sorry.Can we have three chocolate mousses to go, please? I'm out of here.Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me.I'm sorry, Chandler.I hope she throws up on you.Thanks.- So.... - Just us.What a crappy night!I have enjoyed the fact......that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper. Excuse me.How you doing?So do we have the best friends, or what?Joey's not a friend. He's......a stupid man who left us his credit card.Another drink? Dessert? A big-screen TV?- I'll have a drink. - Got it. Good woman!- Could we get a bottle of your most overpriced champagne? -Each. That's right, each. And a rob roy.I've always wanted to know.Happy Valentine's Day!Oh, I miss you already.- Can you believe this happened? - No, no!And yet it did.- Goodbye, Janice. - Kiss me!Oh, Chandler. Sorry.Oh, Chandler. Sorry!- Hey, Janice. -Hi, Monica.Well, this was very special.Rach, come see who's out here!What's going on? Oh, my God!Janice! Hi!Janice is gonna go away now!I'll be right back.Joey! Look who it is!Good. Joey's home.This is so much fun!This is like a reunion in the hall!Ross, there's someone I want you to say hi to.He happened to call.Hi, Ross. That's right,it's me! How did you know?I'm just saying if dogs do its experience jet lag...... because of the seven dog years to one human year thing... ...when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles...... he doesn't just lose three hours,he loses a week and a half. That's funny!Who are they?The blond is my ex-wife.And the woman touching her is her......close, personal friend.You mean they're lovers?If you want to put a label on it.- Anything else I should know? - Nope. That's it.Oh, and she's pregnant with my baby.I always forget that part.Now we need sage branches and the sacramental wine.All I had is oregano and a Fresca.That's okay!Now we need the semen of a righteous man.Ok, Pheebs, you know what?If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place. - Can we start throwing things in? - Yeah, okay!Okay. Barry's letters.Adam Ritter's boxer shorts.And I have the receipt from my dinner with....- A picture of Scotty Jared naked! - Let me see!- He's wearing a sweater. - No.Okay, and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa.Wait, isn't it almost pureHow can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush.Hello, funny valentine!Hi, just Janice.Hello, Joey, our little matchmaker.I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna.If you don't do it, I will.So are you, what do you for a leaving?Well, you know, with..Oh no. I thought you said they could shoot the spot without you.I thought they could.- It's Valentine's Day. - I know, but it's my job.I'll try to get back as soon as I can. I'm sorry.I'm spending most of my time teaching science......which is funny because, that wasn't even my major.Now, that is funny!Do you think it would be too weirdif I invited Carol over to join us?Because she's alone now. And pregnant. And sad.- I guess. - Are you sure? Carol!- Wanna join us? - No, I'm fine.Come on. These people will scooch down.You guys will scooch, won't you?Let's try scooching! Come on!- Come on. - Thank you.IKristen Riggs, this is Carol Willick.Carol, Kristen.- How do you do? - Carol teaches sixth grade.And Kristen....Kristen does something......that, funnily enough......wasn't even her major!What do we got there?A piece of sik boxer shorts.Some greeting cards.A half-charred picture of....That guy's hairier than the chief!It's a really funny story how this happened.It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain.This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire we've seen get out of control. - You are the third one tonight. - Really?Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.- I brought you something. - Is it loaded?Oh, little candy hearts."Chan and Jan Forever."I had them made special.Okay, Janice.Hey, Janice.There's no way to tell you this.At least, there's no new way.I just don't think things are gonna work out.That's fine.It is?Because I know that this isn't the end.You see, actually, it is.No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen.Don't you know it yet?You love me, Chandler Bing!Oh, no, I don't.Then ask yourself this. Why do we keep ending up together? New Year's, who invited who?Valentine's, who asked who into bed?- I did, but - You seek me out!Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn! Janice! Janice!You want me. You need me.You can't live without me. And you know it.You just don't know you know it.See?Call me!It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine.You did so, I swear toHow long has she been in the bathroom?She isn't in the bathroom. Her coat's gone.Well, maybe it's cold in there.Maybe I screwed up my first date in nine years.- That could be it. - Oh, God.You know, this is still pretty hot.Mushroom.Smile.They won't all be like this.Some might stay through dinner.- I'm sorry. That's not funny. - It's just....You know the whole "get on with your life" thing? Well, do I have to?I'm sitting here with this cute woman......and she's perfectly nice, but that......that's it.Then I'm here talking to you, and it's easy and it's fun. And I don't have to....- I know. - You know?Here's a wacky thought.Let's say you and I give it another shot.I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian.But what do you say we just put that aside for now. Let's just stick a pin in it.Because we're great together. You can't deny it. Besides, you're carrying my baby.- I mean, how perfect is that? - RossYou keep saying that,but there's something right here. I love you.I love you too.- But - No "but."You know that thing we put over here with the pin in it? It's time to take the pin out.You'll find someone.The right woman is waiting for you.It's easy for you to say. You found one already.All you need is a woman who likes men, and you'll be set. Not her.We get off at midnight. We'll pick you up then.Okay. Great!So will you bring the truck?I'll even let you ring the bell.- We'll see you later. - Bye! See you later!Oh, my God!See? There you go. The cleansing worked.You're right. They're nice guys!They're firemen guys!You guys tell them you're married?No way. You kidding. My girlfriend doesn't even know. I'm not gonna tell them!第一季第十四集So no one told you life was gonna be this wayyour jobs a joke, you're broke,your love life's D.O.A.It's like you're always stuck in second gear,And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, butI'll be there for you,when the rain starts to pour.I'll be there for you,like I've been there before.I'll be there for you,'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.'cause you're there for me too.。