（原文）SEPTEMPBERTuesdayFirst of all,let me get something straight:This is a JOURNAL,not a diary.I know what it says on the cover,but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say“diary”on it.Great.All I need is for some jerk to catch me carrying this book around and get the wrong idea.The other thing I want to clear up right away is that this was MOM's idea, not mine.But if she thinks I'm going to write down my“feelings”in here or whatever,she's crazy.So just don't expect me to be all“Dear Diary”this and “Dear Diary”that.The only reason I agreed to do this at all is because I figure later on when I'm rich and famous,I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.So this book is gonna come in handy.Like I said,I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented.You got kids like me who haven't hit their growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.And then they wonder why bullying is such a big problem in middle school.If it was up to me,grade level would be based on height,not age.But then again,I guess that would mean kids like Chirag Gupta would still be in the first grade.Today is the first day of school,and right now we're just waiting around for the teacher to hurry up and finish the seating chart.So I figure I might as well write in this book to pass the time.解析1.first of all首先2.clear up解释3.right away立刻，马上4.Be going to+动词原形5.Like I said正如我所说6.Be up to sb..取决于sb.7.figure推测译文参考首先,让我直接说吧:这是一本“日志”不是“日记”。
我知道它封面上说了什么,但妈妈出去买的时候,我特别告诉她，封面上不要有“日记”一词。
很好，我只需要一个混蛋抓住我拿着这本书到处走，然后得出错误的结论。
另一件事我想澄清的是，这是妈妈的主意，不是我的。
但如果她认为我会把我的“感觉“写在这里或什么的，她疯了。
所以别指望我是“亲爱的日记“和“亲爱的日记“那样。
我同意这么做的唯一原因是，我想等我有钱有名的时候，我会有比整天回答别人愚蠢的问题更好的事情去做。
所以这本书会派上用场的。
正如我说的，总有一天我会出名，但是现在我还在上中学，和一群蠢货在一起。
请允许我郑重声明，我认为中学是有史以来最愚蠢的想法。
像我这样还没发育成熟的孩子要混在那些每天要刮两次胡子的大猩猩中间。
然后他们还想知道为什么欺凌在中学是个大问题。
如果由我决定的话，年级应根据身高来决定的，而不是年龄。
但话又说回来，这意味着像齐拉格·古普塔这样的孩子还在一年级。
今天是开学的第一天，现在我们正等着老师快点完成座位表。
所以我想我还不如在这本书里写点什么打发时间。
By the way,let me give you some good advice.On the first day of school,you got to be real careful where you sit.You walk into the classroom and just plunk your stuff down on any old desk and the next thing you know the teacher is saying--I hope you all like where you're sitting,because these are your permanent seats.So in this class,I got stuck with Chris Hosey in front of me and Lionel James in back of me.Jason Brill came in late and almost sat to my right,but luckily I stopped that from happening at the last second.Next period,I should just sit in the middle of a bunch of hot girls as soon as I step in the room.But I guess if I do that, it just proves I didn't learn anything from last year.Man,I don't know WHAT is up with girls these days.It used to be a whole lot simpler back in elementary school.The deal was,if you were the fastest runner in your class,you got all the girls.And in the fifth grade,the fastest runner was Ronnie McCoy.Nowadays,it's a whole lot more complicated.Now it's about the kind of clothes you wear or how rich you are or if you have a cute butt or whatever.And kids like Ronnie McCoy are scratching their heads wondering what the heck happened.The most popular boy in my grade is Bryce Anderson.The thing that really stinks is that I have ALWAYS been into girls,but kids like Bryce have only come around in the last couple of years.I remember how Bryce used to act back in elementary school.But of cause now I don't get any credit for sticking with the girls all this time.Like I said,Bryce is the most popular kid in our grade,so that leaves all the rest of us guys scrambling for the other spots.1.by the way顺便说一下2.plunk down放下，突然落下3.permanent固定的，永久的4.stuck被卡住，被缠住5.at the last second在最后一秒ed to过去常常，曾经7.elementary初等；基本的；初级的8.like I said就像我说的顺便说一下，让我给你一些好的建议。
开学的第一天，你坐的地方要非常小心。
你走进教室，把你的东西放在任何一张旧桌子上，然后你就会知道老师说：我希望你们都喜欢你们现在坐的地方，因为这是你们的固定座位。
所以在这节课里，我被前面的克里斯·霍西和后面的莱昂内尔·詹姆斯卡住了。
贾森布里尔来晚了，差点坐在我的右边，但幸运的是，我在最后一秒阻止了它发生。
下学期，我只要一踏进房间，就可以坐在一群辣妹中间。
但我想如果我那么做，只能证明我去年什么都没学到。
伙计，我不知道这些天女孩们都怎么了。
在小学的时候要简单得多。
规则是，如果你是你们班上跑得最快的，你就得到了所有的女孩。
五年级的时候，跑得最快的是罗尼·麦考伊。
如今，情况要复杂得多。
现在是关于你穿什么衣服你有多有钱或者你的有多可爱什么的。
像罗尼·麦考伊这样的孩子都在纳闷到底发生了什么。
我们年级里最受欢迎的男孩是布莱斯·安德森。
最糟糕的是，我一直都喜欢女孩，但像布莱斯这样的只是在过去几年才出现。
我还记得布莱斯在小学的时候是怎么表演的。