幽默的英语句子1) Money is not everything. There…s Mastercard & Visa.钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
2) One should love animals. They are so tasty.每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
4)Love the neighbor. But don…t get caught.要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。
每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个女人。
6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）。
9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
（老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "现在的梦想决定着你的将来"，所以还是再睡一会吧。
13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? ""努力工作不会导致死亡！"不过我不会用自己去证明。
15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! ""工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看着别人工作。
16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
17)When two…s company, three…s the result! 两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是！18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着？1.国外有个节目采访lord of ring（指环王）里面那个小哈比人时，他讲了个冷笑话：Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，没有眼睛，应该叫什么？）A: I don‟t know ,what is it？（我不知道，该叫什么？）Q: no eye deer……(no idea)（没眼睛鹿……没主意（英语口语的谐音））agian, a deer has no eyes, no legs, what's its name？（那么，一只鹿，没眼睛，也没有腿，该叫什么？）A: I don‟t know, what's it then？（我还是不知道，应该叫什么？）Q: still no idea……”（还是没眼睛鹿（用了谐音））2.某次英文考试有两道题目：1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.但是某生的答案是：1）Shit!2）Hello?3老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money，并让同学们翻译。
有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。
”4小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead.小明就坐了下来。
过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Go ahead.小明又坐了下来。
他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！5某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu．外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢！6江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。
外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。
”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."7一对热恋中的男女。
女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY …I LOVE YOU!!‟SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”男的答道：“IT!”8某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。
一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry.老外应道：I am sorry too.某人听后又道：I am sorry three.老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.9某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn‟t it be male?”男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.和“Kiss”有关的词汇kiss-ass n.马屁精,谄媚者, 奉承kiss good-bye 吻别, 放弃,失去kiss of death n.死神之吻，乍看有益但会导致毁灭的行为kiss of life n.生命之吻kiss of live n.口对口人工呼吸kiss of peace [宗] 接吻礼,团结友爱的接吻kiss the rod v.甘心受罚kiss the post v.吃闭门羹；为时过晚blow a kiss 飞吻vacuum kiss 真空吻（*ing the air out of one‟s partner‟s mouth and l ungs）French kiss 法式接吻（kiss with your mouth open and your tongues touching）Platonic kiss 柏拉图之吻（short kiss on the check for greeting）Smooch v/n 热吻Peck n 匆匆轻吻经典英语绕口令1. Canners can can what they can can but can not can things can't be canned.2. Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.3.Please, Paul, pause for applause.4.“Shall I show you the shop for shoes and shirts?” Shirley said to shelly.5.Do you agree, if you are free to come to tea with me by the sea?6.Paul called from the hall that he had slipped on the floor and couldn't get to the door.7.I'd buy my ties before the price begins to rise.8.A snow-white swan swam swiftly to catch a slowly swimming snake in a lake.9.It is a fine thing to sing in Spring, I think.10.Famine and failure faced the frightened farmer.11.I am amazed it is a craze these days to dance to music of Jazz.12.In winter the weather in Wales is wild13.I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.14.Mike likes to write by the nice bright light at night.15.Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.英语谚语500句（A:51--100）51) A man becomes learned by asking questions.不耻下问才能有学问。