英语幽默小故事1、New DiscoveryA hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful youngmodel stepped off the elevator.Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"新发现一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。
他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。
房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。
一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。
乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”hillbillyn. 乡下人，乡巴佬.pudgyadj.矮胖的，矮而粗的drawlvt, vi慢吞吞地说；拉长语调地说2、Always Thirsty"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me.""That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?""No, but I am always thirsty!"总感到口渴一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。
”“真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？”“不疼，可是我总感到口渴。
”He WonTommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。
他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My PocketIvan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。
他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。
“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。
”A Good BoyLittle Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。
“再给你两分钱。
可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。
”DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。
” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”HospitalityThe hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.好客由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。
这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。
过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。
客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。
你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。
”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话上个星期五我穿了一件Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do youknow what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性, 缩写正好是Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."1,Two birlsTeacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。
谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?""A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.鱼网"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。