第一集There’s nothing to tell! 这没什么好说的He’s just some guy I work with!他不过是我的同事C’mon,you’re going out with the guy!少来了，你们都在约会了There’s gotta be something wrong with him!这个男人一定有什么问题All right, Joey. Be nice. 打住，乔伊嘴下留德So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? 他是驼背吗？戴着假发的驼背Wait, does he eat chalk? 等等，他吃粉笔吗？Just,cause, I don’t want her to go through what I went through with Carl 我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.拜托各位放松点这甚至不算是约会It’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex 只不过是两个人出去吃个饭,而且不会上床Sounds like a date to me. 听起来像是和我约会Alright, so I’m back in high school, I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria andI realize I am totally naked于是我回到了高中学校,我站在食堂中间,然后发现自己全身赤裸。
Oh,yeah. Had that dream. 噢做过那种梦。
Then I look down, and I realize there’s a phone there然后我低下头看见那里有一部大哥大。
-instead of ..? – that’s tight. -那话儿变成了-没错-never had that dream. – No 这种梦倒从未做过没有All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. 突然那电话想起来了What do I do? Everyone starts looking at me. 我不知道该怎么办大家都看着我They weren’t looking at you before?之前就没有看着你吗？Finally, I figure I’d better answer it，and it turns out it’s my mother which is very-very weird because she never calls me !最后我觉得应该接这个电话,结果是我妈打来的,这是非常奇怪,因为她从来不打电话给我Hi.嗨This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. 这家伙一张嘴打招呼我就想自杀。
Are you okay, sweetie?你还好吧亲爱的I just feel like someone reached down my throat grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck…我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙抓我的小肠，从我嘴里扯出来,然后缠在我脖子上Cookie 饼干Carol moved her stuff out today 卡罗尔今天把她的东西搬走了Let me get you some coffee. Thanks. 我帮你泡杯咖啡，谢了No, no don’t! stop cleaning my aura! 不不要别在净化我的灵气了No, just leave my aura alone,okay? 求你了别在碰我的灵气，好吗？I’ll be fine, alright? 我会没事的，好吧?Really, everyone. I hope she’ll be very happy.真的各位我希望她能幸福No you don’t. no I don’t, to hell with her, she left me !不你不会没错我不会的去她的他甩掉了我And you never knew she was a lesbian…你又不知道她是女同性恋No!! okay? 不知道，行了吧Why does everyone keep fixating on that? 为何大家都绕着这个话题打转She didn’t know, how should I know? 她都不知道，我怎么会知道。
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian…有时我希望自己也是女同性恋Did I say that out loud? 我大声说出来了么And I just want a million dollars!而我只想要一百万美金Rachel?!瑞秋Oh, God,Monica,hi! Thank God!噢天啊莫妮卡嗨谢天谢地I just went to your building and you weren’t there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!我刚去了你家可你不在,有个拿大锤的家伙说你可能会在这儿,结果你真的在这儿，你真的在这儿Can I get you some coffee? De-caff 要来杯咖啡吗无咖啡因的Okay, everybody, this is Rachal,好了，各位，这是瑞秋Another Lincoln High survivor.另一位林肯高中的幸存者This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoene, and Joey, and you remember my brother Ross?这就是各位啦，这是钱德勒菲比还有乔伊,还记得我哥哥罗斯吗？Hi, sure! Hi。
当然嗨嗨So you wanna tell us now or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? 你是想现在跟我们说说,还是我们再等四位湿漉漉的伴娘过来?Oh, God…well, 噢，上帝，好吧It started about a half hour before the wedding.大概在婚礼前半个小时I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat.我当时在存放礼品的房间里看着调味汁瓶This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat. 那是一件极其美丽的里摩日细瓷调味汁瓶When all of a sudden 突然突然间Sweet “n” Lo?有糖吗？I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that’s when it hit me :how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.我发现我对这个调味汁瓶比巴瑞更能引发我的兴奋感然后饿哦真的吓坏了,突然想到,巴瑞真的超像薯头先生Y’know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but..我是说我总是觉得他眼熟，但是。
Anyway,I just had to get out of there,不管怎么说，我必须离开那里Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for? 我干吗这么做我这么做是为了谁So anyway I just didn’t know where to go and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you’re the only person I knew who lived here in the city.不管怎么说我都不知该去哪里,而且我知道我有点疏远了,但是你是我在这个城市唯一认识的人Who wasn’t invited to the wedding, 还没有被邀请参加婚礼Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn’t be an issue…噢我希望这不是个问题No I’m guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she’s really not happy about it. 我猜他送她一台管风琴,而她很不喜欢Tuna or egg salad! Decide!”吐拿鱼或鸡蛋沙拉，快决定“l’ll have whatever Christina’s having.”克里斯汀吃什么我吃什么Daddy, I just… I can’t marry him!爸爸我只是不能嫁给他I’m sorry. I just don’t love him. 对不起我只是不爱他Well, it’s matters to me！可是对我来说就有关系If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. 如果我不抓着头发我的头就会掉下来Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.奥她真不应该穿那条裤子I say push her down the stairs. 要我说，推他下楼Push her down the staris！推她下楼You can see where he’d have trouble. 这就是他的问题所在了。
Well, maybe that’s my decision. 也许那是我的决定Well, maybe I don’t need your money. 也许我不需要你的钱Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! 等等我说也许Just breathe, breathe…that’s it. 深呼吸Just try to think of nice calm things.. 就这样试着想些美好平静的事物Rain drops on roses and rabbits and kittens 玫瑰上的雨滴小兔子和小猫咪。