Profits Of Praise赞美的好处It was the end of my exhausting first day as waitress in a busy New York restaurant. My cap had gone awry, my apron was stained, my feet ached. The loaded trays I carried felt heavier. Weary and discouraged, I didn’t seem able to do anything right. As I made out a complicated check for a family with several children who had changed their ice-cream order a dozen times, I was ready to quit.它结束了,我感到精疲力尽第一天当服务员在繁忙的纽约的餐馆里。
我的帽子歪了,围裙弄脏了,我的脚疼。
携带的托盘让我觉得沉重。
疲倦又沮丧,我似乎已经不能做对一件事。
当我开了一张支票给一个家庭的复杂与好几个小孩要冰激凌已改变了十几次,我准备辞职不干了。
Then the father smiled at me as he handed me my tip. “Well done,” he said. “You’ve looked after us really well.”此时父亲向小男孩微笑地看着我小费递给我,“干得不错,”他说。
“你对我们照顾得很好。
”Suddenly my tiredness vanished. I smiled back, and later, when the manager asked me how I liked my first day, I said, “Fine!” those few words of praise had changed everything.忽然,我疲倦消失了。
我微笑着,后来,当经理问我为什么我喜欢我的第一天,我就说:“好!”这几句话的赞美改变了一切。
Praise is like sunlight to the human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellows the warm sunshine of praise.赞美如同阳光一样照耀着人的精神,我们将无法开花和成长,这是必不可少的。
然而,大多数人都十分准备向别人批评的冷风,却不愿意给自己的同伴赞扬的阳光。
Why --- when one word can bring such pleasure? A friend of mine who travels widely always tries to learn a little of the language of any place she visits. She’s not much of a linguist, but she does know how to say one word --- “beautiful”--- in several languages. She can use it to a mother holding her baby, or to a lonely salesman fishing out pictures of his family. The ability has earned her friends all over the world. It’s strange how chary we are about praising. Perhaps it’s because few of us know how to accept compliments gracefully. Instead, we are embarrassed and shrug off the words we are really so glad to hear. Because of this defensive reaction, direct compliments are surprisingly difficult to give. That is why some of the most valued pats on the back are those which come to us indirectly, in a letter or passed on by a friend. When one thinks of the speed with which spiteful remarks are conveyed, it seems a pity that there isn’t more effort to relay pleasing and flattering comments.为什么- - - - - -当一个词能带来这样的快乐吗?我的一个朋友谁广泛游历总是努力学习一点语言的任何地方她访问。
她是不会有多大的语言学家,但她也知道怎么说一个字——“美丽”- - - - - -在好几种语言。
她可以用它来一个母亲牵着她的宝贝,或者一个孤独的推销员钓出他的家人的照片。
她的朋友们的能力已经赢得了世界各地。
很奇怪,很小心谨慎我们大约有奖励。
也许是因为我们中很少有人知道如何优雅地接受赞美。
相反,我们是很尴尬,摆脱心中的话语,我们真是太高兴听到的。
因为这样的防御反应,直接的赞美是出奇地难以给予。
这就是为什么一些的最值钱的光同情是那些到我们这里来间接的,信中转嫁到了一个朋友。
当一个人预料的速度,恶意的评论被金属管,似乎很遗憾,没有更多的努力继电器愉悦和奉承的评论。
It’s especially rewarding to give praise in areas in which effort generally goes unnoticed or unmentioned. An artist gets complimented for a glorious picture, a cook for a perfect meal. But do you ever tell your laundry manager how pleased you are when the shirts are done just right?Do you ever praise your paper boy for getting the paper to you on time 365 days a year?尤其值得称赞的努力在区域,一般人察觉或本合同未尽。
一个艺术家会被称赞为光荣的图片,一个厨师对于完美的饭。
但是你曾经告诉您送洗的衣服有多高兴时你是经理衬衫都做的只是对吗?你常常赞美你的论文的男孩,以求获得纸给你每年365天吗?Praise is particularly appreciated by those doing routine jobs: gas-station attendants, waitresses --- even housewives. Do you ever go into a house and say, “What a tidy room”? Hardly anybody does. That’s why housework is considered such a dreary grind. Comment is often made about activities which are relatively easy and satisfying, like arranging flowers; but not about jobs which are hard and dirty, like scrubbing floors. Shakespeare said, “Our praises are our wages.”Since so often praise is the only wage a housewife receives, surely she of all people should get her measure.赞美是特别欣赏由那些做常规工作:gas-station服务员,女服务生——甚至家庭主妇。
你曾经进到一户人家里去,说:“多么打扫一个房间”吗?几乎没有人都是不一样的。
这就是为什么做家务是被认为是一种很沉闷的研磨。
评论是经常的活动作出评价相对容易而令人满意的,喜欢插花,但不是关于工作,是又脏又累,如擦洗地板。
莎士比亚说:“我们的赞美是我们的工资。
”既然如此经常赞美是唯一的工资一个家庭主妇接收,她肯定的所有的人都应该得到她的措施。
Mothers know instinctively that for children an ounce of praise is worth a pound of scolding. Still, we’re not always as perceptive as we might be about applying the rule. One day I was criticizing my children for squabbling. “Can you never play peacefully?” I shouted. Susanna looked at me quizzically. “Of course we can,” she said, “But you don’t notice us when we do.”母亲本能地知道,为孩子们一盎司的赞美胜过一磅重的责骂。
尽管如此,我们并不总是像感知我们可能应用规则。
有一天我在批评我的孩子们为争论不休。
“你能永远不要打平安吗?”我叫道。
苏珊娜嘲弄地看着我,说:“当然可以,”她说,“但是你没有注意到的是,当我们做的。
”Teachers agree about the value of praise. One teacher writes that instead of drowning students’compositions in critical red ink, the teacher will get far more constructive results by finding one or two things which have been done better than last time, and commenting favorably on them. “I believe that a student knows when he has handed in something above his usual standard,” writes the teacher, “and that he waits hungrily for a brief comment in the margin to show him that the teacher is aware of it, too.”教师们同意表扬具有重要的价值。