The Art of LivingThe art of living is to knew when to hold fast and when to let go. For life is a paradox, it enjoins us to cling to its many gifts even while it ordains their eventual relinquishment. The rabbis of old put it this way: A man comes to this world with his fist clenched, but when he dies, his hand is open.Surely we ought to hold fast to life, for it wondrous, and full of a beauty that breaks through every pore of God’s own earth. We know that this is so, but all too often we recognize this truth only in our backward glance when we remember what was and then suddenly realize that it is no more.We remember a beauty that faded, a love that waned. But we remember with far greater pain that we did not see that beauty when it flowered, that we failed to respond with love when it was tendered.A recent experience re-taught me this truth. I was hospitalized following a severe heart attack and had been in intensive care for several days. It was not a pleasant place.One morning, I had to have some additional tests. The required machines were located in a building at the opposite end of the hospital, so I had to be wheeled across the courtyard on a journey.As we emerged from our unit, the sunlight hit me. That’s all these was to my experience, just the light of the sun. And yet how beautiful it was –how warming, how sparkling, how brilliant! I looked to see whether anyone else relished the sun’s golden glow, but everyone was hurrying to and fro, most with eyes fixed on the ground. Then I remember how often I, too, had been indifferent to the grandeur of each day, too preoccupied with petty and sometimes even mean concerns to respond from that experience. It’s really as commonplace as the experience itself: life’s gifts are precious- but we are too heedless of them.Here then is the first pole of life’s paradoxical demands on us: never too busy for the wonder and the awe of life. Be reverent before each dawning day .Embrace each hour. Seize each golden minute.Hold fast to life…but not so fast that you cannot let go. This is the second side of life’s coin, the opposite pole of its paradox: we must accept our losses, and learn how to let go.This is not an easy lesson to learn, especially when we are young and think that the world is ours to command, that whatever we desire with the full force of our passionate being can, may, will, be ours. But then life moves along to confront us with realities, and slowly but surely this truth dawns upon us.At every stage of life we sustain losses- and grow in the process. We begin our independent lives only when we emerge from the womb and lose its protective shelter. We enter a progression of schools, then we leave our mothers and fathers and our childhood homes. We get married and have children and then have to let them go. We confront the death of our parents and our spouses. We face the gradual or not so gradual waning of our strength. And ultimately, as the parable of the open and closed hand suggests, we must confront the inevitability of our own demise, losing ourselvesas it were, all that we were or dreamed to be.I’m Having a DayA dear friend of mine lost her husband in an accident. Her husband’s passing was sudden and unexpected. It happened out of the blue. The tragedy was a shock to everyone. They were such a happy and lucky couple.For me, it drove home the realization that you just don’t know when a loved one will leave you.We sometimes take our loved ones for granted. We expect that they’ll be with us forever.However, life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes we get a wake up call that shocks us. A wake up call like that makes us realize how short life is.In consoling her, I tried to imagine how I would feel if I was in her shoes. How would I feel if I had just lost my husband? It was impossible to imagine what she was going through. I didn’t know what words to say to help her feel better.Sometimes words just cannot express our feelings. Sometimes our actions are much more meaningful than words. A hug can sometimes express more. Sometimes, even just being there to listen can be more meaningful.I didn’t know what to say to her so I didn’t say anything. I just let her cry and held her. I made sure she had something to eat and I listened when she talked.As I was leaving the funeral parlor, I ran into Marilyn. Marilyn has been a true friend to me over the years. She is one of those friends who is with you in the good times and is always by your side in the bad times. She has a sense of humor that makes everyone laugh and she makes everyone feel at ease. We chitchatted for a few moments.She asked me how my jobs was. I started talking on and on. I told her about how I was having a stressful week with my job.I complained to her about all the issues at work. She listened to me as I ranted and raved about my frustrations. I went on and on about how hard my week had been.―oh,‖ I said, ―and don’t even get me started about what happened yesterday. Let me just tell you that I had an awful day.‖ She gave me a look that made me stop talking. Marilyn took my face gently in her hands and kissed my forehead. Tenderly, and with love, she said, ―But at least you had a day.‖I was floored. The touch of her hands on my cheeks, the calmness in her voice, and the words she spoke hit me like a tonne of brikes.All the frustration and stress that had been building up inside of me came to a complete stop. She was right. I might have had a bad day but at least I’d had one. My dear friend in the other room would have given anything to have one more day with her husband.Since then, when I start feeling stressed, I remind myself of Marilyn’s words. At least I’m having a day! Things can always be a lot worse. The stress of the situation can always be worse. It doesn’t matter.All that matters is that I am alive. I have a lot to be thankful for so I shall not waste my days with stress and frustrations any more. Life is too short!The story of lifeSometimes people come into your life and you come to realize that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose , teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, co-worker, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know in an instant that they will affect your life in some profound way.And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, brilliant achievements, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love , break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.You can make of your life anything your wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.Be grateful to lifeOnce President Roosevelt’s house was broken into and lots of things were stolen. Hearing this, one of Roosevelt’s friends wrote to him and advised him not to take it to his heart so much. President Roosevelt wrote back immediately, saying, ―Dear friend, thank you for your letter to comfort me. I’m all right now. I think I should thank God. This is because of the following three reasons: firstly, the thief only stole things from me but did not hurt me at all; secondly, the thief has stolen some of my things instead of all my things; thirdly, most luckily for me, it was the man rather than me whobecame a thief…‖It was quite unlucky for anyone to be stolen from. However, President Roosevelt had such three reasons to be so grateful. This story tells us how we can learn to be grateful in our life.Being grateful is an important philosophy of life and a great wisdom. It is impossible for anyone to be lucky and successful all the time so long as he lives in the world. We should learn how to face failure or misfortune bravely and generously and to try to deal with it. If so, should we complain about our life and become frustrated and disappointed ever since then or should we be grateful for our life, rise again ourselves after a fall? William Thackeray, a famous British writer, said, ―life is a mirror. When you smile in front of it , it will also smile and so will it when you cry to it‖If you are grateful to life, it will bring you shining sunlight. If you always complain about everything, you may own nothing in the end. When we are successful, we can surely have many reasons for being grateful, but we have only one excuse to show ungratefulness if we fail.I think we should even be grateful to life whenever we are unsuccessful or unlucky. Only by doing this can we find our weakness and shortcomings when we fail. We can also get relief and warmth when we are unlucky. This can help us find our courage to overcome the difficulties we may face, and receive great impetus to move on. We should treat our frustration and misfortune in our life in the other way just as President Roosevelt did. We should be grateful all the time and keep having a healthy attitude to our life forever, keep having perfect characters and enterprising spirit. Being grateful is not only a kind of comfort, not an escape from life and nor thinking of winning in spirit like ah Q. being grateful is a way to sing for our life which comes just from our love and hope.When we put a small piece of alum into muddy water, we can see the alum can soon make the water clear. If each of us has an attitude of being grateful, we’ll be able to get rid of impulse, upset, dissatisfaction and misfortune. Being grateful can bring us a better and more beautiful life.Life is a choiceObstacles are a part of life. It could be a divorce, a layoff, an illness, an accident, a bankruptcy, a robbery. All these things can happen to anyone, and they happen to everyone. All of us, in no matter what the situation, have a choice, but it’s realizing you have the choice that empowers you.There are people who have gone through divorce, an illness, an accident, a robbery, bankruptcy, and disability and they have not given up, while others have just put up the towel.We all have a choice. Do we wake up and try to figure out a way around, under or through an obstacle or do we just let it stand in our way? Each obstacle is unique, but our goals of financial independence and time freedom are the same!Napoleon Hill’s son was born without ears. In college he got his hands on the first hearing aids, and he went to work with the company who made them to improve them. You bet he made a fortune there. You can check ―think and grow rich‖ if you don’tbelieve me. What about Rick Hansen? A tragic accident puts him in a wheelchair, does he give up? No, he wheels around the world for spinal cord research! He envisioned himself rolling on the Great Wall of China and you know what, not only did he do it, but he’s now a CEO and author!I can cite numerous examples of this phenomenon. Our entire lives are a choice. Sometimes we make the right one, sometimes the wrong one. But whatever happens we’re still the captain of our own ships whether we know it or not.Life is a choice. Bad things happen to everybody. It’s how you deal with it that matters.How to grow happinessStep one:Plant yourself deep in a bed of faith, and pack it down solid and tight. Drench daily with positive thinking, and keep saturated just right. Mulch often with forgiveness, for this will help you grow. Quickly remove any seeds of worry, for they will soon germinate, and keep out the weeds of despair. Nourish disappointments with hope whenever it is needed, and always stay cool and shaded when you feel irritated or heated. Trim away guilt or depression, for they create decay, and cultivate with happy memories as often as everyday.Step two:Harvest the lessons of the past; just dig, pick, and hoe. And nurture the roots of the present, for now is when you flourish and grow. Start planting for the future; set your goals in a row. Spade the bed well for all your dreams to grow.Step three:Remember that grief is a natural predator, so learn to tolerate some damage. Protect your garden with daily prayers, for this will help you manage. Bury the criticism and complaining, for they are injurious pests. Sow the seed of love wherever you may go-for joy, love, and laughter are surely bound to grow. Although the thorns of life may be here to stay, just sprout a smile along the way…and be thankful for what you have today!Keeping pleasant―He is a fool who cannot be angry, but he is really a wise man who will not.‖The habit of keeping pleasant is indeed better than an income of a thousand dollars a year. The life without cheerfulness is like the severe winter without the sun.We all love cheerful company, but we are apt to forget that cheerfulness is a habit which can be cultivated by all.We find it very difficult to be gay when we are in distress. It requires great courage. We should never forget that to be cheerful when it is not easy to be cheerful shows greatness. Thorny may be our way, but how happy is the conqueror’s song!The perfection of cheerfulness consists in the happy frame of mind. It is displayed in good temper and kind behavior. It arises partly from personal goodness and partly from belief in the goodness of others. It sees the glory in the grass and the sunshine on the flower. It encourages happy thoughts, and lives in an atmosphere of peace. It costsnothing, and yet it is invaluable. It blesses its possessor, and affords a large measure of enjoyment to others.Will inspired lifeThe little country schoolhouse was heated by an old-fashioned, pot-bellied coal stove. A little boy had the job of coming to school early each day to start the fire and warm the room before his teacher and his classmates arrived.One morning they arrived to find the schoolhouse engulfed in flames. They dragged the unconscious little boy out of the flaming building more dead than alive. He had major burns over the lower half of his body and was taken to a nearby county hospital. From his bed the dreadfully burned, semi-conscious little boy faintly heard the doctor talking to his mother. The doctor told his mother that her son would surely die-which was for the best, really-for the terrible fire had devastated the lower half of his body.But the brave boy didn’t want to die. He made up his mind that he would survive. Somehow, to the amazement of the physician, he did survive. When the mortal danger was past, he again heard the doctor and his mother speaking quietly. The mother was told that since the fire had destroyed so much flesh in the lower part of his body, it would almost be better if he had died, since he was doomed to be a lifetime cripple with no use at all of his lower limbs.Once more the brave boy made up his mind. He would not be a cripple. He would walk. But unfortunately from the waist down, he had no motor ability. His thin legs just dangled there, all but lifeless. Ultimately he was released from the hospital. Every day his mother would massage his little legs, but there was no feeling, no control, nothing. Yet his determination that he would walk was as strong as ever. When he wasn’t in bed, he was confined to a wheelchair. One sunny day his mother wheeled him out into the yard to get some fresh air. This day, instead of sitting there, he threw himself from the chair. He pulled himself across the grass, dragging his legs behind him. He worked his way to the white picket fence bordering their lot. With great effort, he raised himself up on the fence. Then, stake by stake, he began dragging himself along the fence, resolved that he would walk. He started to do this everyday until he wore a smooth path all around the yard beside the fence. There was nothing he wanted more than to develop life in those legs. Ultimately through his daily massages, his iron persistence and his resolute determination, he did develop the ability to stand up, then to walk haltingly, then to walk by himself-and then-to run. He began to walk to school to school, then to run to school, to run for the sheer joy of running. Later in college he made the track team. Still later in Madison square garden this young man who was not expected to survive, who would surely never walk, who could never hope to run—this determined young man, Dr. Glenn Cunningham, ran the world’s fastest mile!The winnerI was watching some little kids play soccer. These kids were only five or six years old, but they were playing a real game---a serious game---two team, complete withcoaches, uniforms, and parents. I did n’t know any of them, so I was able to enjoy the game without the distraction of being anxious about wining or losing---I wished the parents and coaches could have done the same.The teams were pretty evenly matched. I will just call them Team One and Team Two. Nobody scored in the first period. The kids were hilarious. They were clumsy and terribly inefficient. They fell over their own feet, they stumbled over the ball, they kicked at the ball and missed it but they didn’t seem to care. They were having fun.In the second quarter, the Team One coach pulled out what must have been his first team and put in the scrubs, except for his best player who now guarded the goal.The game took a dramatic turn. I guess winning is important even when you’re five years old---because the Team Two coach left his best players in, and the Team One scrubs were no match for them. Team Two swarmed around the little guy who was now the Team One goalie. He was an outstanding athlete, but he was no match for three or four who were also very good. Team Two began to score. The lone goalie gave it everything he had, recklessly throwing his body in front of incoming balls, trying valiantly to stop them.Team Two scored two goals in quick succession. It infuriated the young boy. He became a raging maniac---shouting , running, diving. With all the stamina he could muster, he covered the boy who now had the ball, but boy that kicked it to another boy twenty feet away, and by the time he repositioned himself, it was too late---they scored a third goal.I soon learned who the goalie’s parents were. They were nice, decent-looking people. I could tell that his dad had just come from the office---he still had his suit and tie on. They yelled encouragement to their son. I became totally absorbed, watching the boy on the field and his parents on the sidelines. After the third goal, the little kid changed. He could see it was no use; he couldn’t stop them.He didn’t quit, but he became quietly desperate and futility was written all over him. His father changed, too. He had been urging his son to try harder---yelling advice and encouragement. But then he changed. He became anxious. He tried to say that it was okay---to hang in there. He grieved for the pain his son was feeling.After the fourth goal, I knew what was going to happen. I’d seen it before. The little boy needed help so badly, and there was no help to be had. He retrieved the ball from the net and handed it to the referee---and then he cried.He just stood there while huge tears rolled down both cheeks, he went to his knees and put his fists to his eyes---and he cried the tears of the helpless and brokenhearted. When the boy went to his knees, I saw the father start onto their field. His wife clutched his arm and said, ―jim, don’t. you’ll embarrass him‖ but he tore loose from her and ran onto the field. He was n’t supposed to---the game was still in progress. Suit, tie, dress shoe, and all---he charged onto the field, and he picked up his con so everybody would know that this was his boy, and he hugged him and held him and cried with him. I’ve never been so proud of a man in my life.He carried him off the field, and when he got close to the sidelines I heard him say, ―Scotty, I’m so proud of you. You were great out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son.‖―Daddy,‖ the boy sobbed. ―I couldn’t stop them. I tried, Daddy, I tried and tried and they scored on me.‖―Scotty, it doesn’t matter how many times they scored on you. You’re my son, and I’m proud of you. I want you to go back there and finish the game. I know you want to quit, but you can’t. And, son, you’re going to get scored on again, but it doesn’t matter. In my eyes, you are the winner! Go on, now.‖The little guy ran back onto the field---and they scored two more times---but it was okay. Now in all viewer’s eyes, he is the Winner.When you’re all alone, and you’re getting scored on---and you can’t stop them, even if you fume with rage--- it means a lot to know that it doesn’t matter to those who love you. In their eyes, so long as you don’t give up, you are the winner. And they are always proud of you.The miracle of mother’s loveWith all the energy that only a playful three-year-old can have. Caitlin Hedges clambers over her mum Trish and tugs at her arm for attention. As 37-year-old Trish tickles her. Caitlin collapses in fits of giggles.Just the fact that they are sitting in their living room in Peterborough is a miracle-because four years ago, Trish had to make a terrible choice. She was suffering from cancer and being treated with chemotherapy. If she continued the treatment, Caitlin would have to be aborted. If Trish chose to have Caitlin and stop the chemotherapy, she was told she would probably die.―It must be every mother’s nightmare to make that choice,‖says Trish, 37, ―but there was no contest. I desperately wanted this child to live, even if it meant sacrificing my own life. Isn’t that every mother’s instinct?‖Trish, a former chemist, was diagnosed non-Hodgkins lymphoma, a cancer of the lymph glands, in 1995 and by that time the disease had spread throughout her body. After more than a year of chemotherapy, Trish was in partial remission but the treatment hadn’t worked as well as doctors had hoped. She was given a break while experts decided what treatment to try next and she and Paul took a holiday in Turkey. While there, they spotted a pair of gold wedding rings and bought them on the spur of the moment.―marriage was something we’d always talked about‖says Trish, ―we both knew we’d get married one day, but this was the first step to making it happen.‖However, when they arrived home their wedding plans had to be put on hold. Trish discovered another lump and doctors decided to try a more aggressive course of chemotherapy.But before it began, Trish was desperate to find out whether she could have children or not. She went for tests but they showed the hormone levels in her blood were so low that it would be impossible to conceive. ―strangely enough, the news didn’t bother me,‖she says, ―even though the doctors told me I would never have children, I found it impossible to believe.‖Several weeks later, the chemotherapy started but after two weeks Trish felt strangely different. It was nothing specific but her body was telling her something hadchanged. On a whim, she decided to do a home pregnancy test.―it was two months since I had been told I would never have children, but I just had a feeling,‖ says Trish. ―Logic told me I couldn’t be, but the test was positive. I was having a baby-our baby. It was the best news I had heard in years. All the pain disappeared and all I could think about was the new life which was growing inside me and my maternal instinct to protect it.‖―I didn’t think about the cancer, the chemotherapy or anything else except our child. That was until the doctor issued me with an ultimatum.‖ Trish could continue with her cancer treatment but it would mean aborting her child. Or she could stop the treatment, carry on with the pregnancy and allow the cancer to spread.―There was not a moment’s hesitation for me,‖ says Trish. ―I knew there was a risk but I put it out of my mind. Deep down, I know Paul was worried sick about me but he also knew how much I wanted this baby-we both did.‖―My decision was perhaps hardest for my mum and dad- I was their little girl and they were so afraid of losing me. I would have given up my life for my baby and I know they would have done just the same for me.‖Luckily, Trish sailed through her pregnancy with no complications. ―I had more energy and vitality than I had had in years. If doctors could have prescribed a perfect medicine for my cancer, pregnancy would have been it. It was a 10-hour labor but I didn’t take any gas or painkillers- I’d rather give birth to 10 babies in a row than go through one session of chemotherapy.‖ And On May 8, 1998, Caitlin was born safe and well and Trish was still in partial remission. Five months later, though, Trish discovered another lump on her neck-the lymphoma was back.―I was terrified,‖ she says. ―It wasn’t just me I was thinking about, it was Caitlin I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be around for her. How would she manage without a mum?‖Trish started another course of chemotherapy. With a baby to care for, it was grueling but after only six weeks Trish was free of the cancer.―I couldn’t believe it,‖she says. ―After all those months of chemotherapy, I was amazed that this time it had worked so quickly. I felt so lucky. I’d been given a fresh chance at life.‖The cancer had been beaten, but Trish’s battles were far from over. ―The chemotherapy had left me with terrible joint problems.‖She says, ―I was crippled with pain and my body was still so tired from the chemotherapy. Looking after a baby was a constant struggle. I felt incredibly guilty, like I was letting Caitlin down. I wanted her so much but at times I couldn’t even bath her, let alone play with her.‖There were times when Trish was so ill she couldn’t even carry Caitlin downstairs. ―I would lay her across my lap and come down the stair on my bum.‖But now, gradually, Trish’s body is recovering. It is a long, slow process but she is regaining her strength and three months ago Trish and Paul got married-with Caitlin as chief bridesmaid.― The wedding rings we bought five years ago were badly tarnished,‖ says Trish, ―but they polished up well and it’s wonderful that we got to use them at last. I can’t believe what we have come through but the important thing is we have come。