DrunkOne day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"醉酒一天,父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。
这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。
他向父亲发问道:"爸爸,'醉'字是什么意思?" "唔,孩子,"父亲回答说,"你瞧那儿站着两个警察。
如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。
" "可是,爸爸, "孩子说,"那儿只有一个警察呀!"三个医生Three doctor are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead.三名医生藏身在观察野鸭的隐蔽处,有一只鸟从头上飞过。
The general practitioner looks at it and says,一般家庭医生看着它说:"Looks like a duck,flies like a duck,it's probably a duck,"“看起来像一只鸭子,飞起来像一只鸭子……它可能是一只鸭子”。
He shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.就对着它射击,但是没射中,这只鸟飞走了。
The next bird flies overhead,第二只鸟从头上飞过。
and the pathologist looks at it,then looks through the pages of a bird manual,and says,病理学家看着它,然后仔细翻翻阅好几页的野鸟手册说"Hmmmm,green wings,yellow bill,quacking sound,might be a duck."“嗯……绿色的翅膀,黄色的鸟嘴,嘎嘎的叫声……可能是一只鸭子。
”He arises his gun to shoot it,but the bird is long gone.他举起他的枪来射它,但这只鸟早已走了。
A third bird flies over .第三只鸟从头上飞过。
The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking,brings the bird down,and turns to the patholoogist and says,外科医生举起他的松,看都不看就射击,把鸟击落后就转向病理学家说:"Go see if that was a duck."“你去看看那是不是一只鸭子。
”Bank Robbery 银行抢劫When armed robbers burst in.当武装劫匪突然冲进银行的时候。
two accountants are in a bank ,正好有两名会计人员在里面。
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers,正当几个抢匪向出纳员取钱的时候,others line the customers,其他劫匪则让客户排队,including the accountants,包括这两名会计人员在内,up against a wall,and proceed to take their wallets,watches,etc.靠着墙壁排成一排开始夺取他们身上的皮夹子和手表等物品。
While this is going on,accountant No. 1 jams something in accountant No. 2's hand.当这件抢案正在发生的时候,一号会计人员把某样东西塞进二号会计人员的手里面。
Without looking down,没有向下看,accountant No. 2 whispers,二号会计人员就轻声地说:"What is this ?"“这是什么东西呀?”accountant No. 1 replies,"It 's that $50 I owe you." 一号会计人员回答说:“那是我欠你的五十元啦。
”Silly Doctor蠢医生A man went to see his doctor有一名男子去看他的医生,because he was suffering from a miserable cold.因为他正遭到令人难受的感冒之苦。
His doctor prescribed some pills,他的医生开了一些药丸,but they didn't help.但是这些药丸都没什么帮助。
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot,他笫二次去的时候,医生给他打针,but that didn't do any good.但是那也没什么效。
On his third visit the doctor told the man,他第三次去的时候,医生告诉这名男子:"Go home and take a hot bath.As soon as you finish bathing,open all the windows and stand in the draft."“回家洗个热水澡吧。
你一洗完澡就把所有的窗户都打开,然后站在通风处。
”"But doc,"protested the patient,这名病人抗议说:“但是医生,"if I do that,I'll get pneumonia."如果我那么做的话,我就会得到肺炎呀。
”"I know,"said the doctor,"don't worry,I can cure pneumonia."医生说:“我知道啦,别担心啦,我会治疗肺炎啦。
”Dying in peace安然死亡Helen was on her deathbed ,海伦躺在她临终的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. 他握着她冰冷的手,泪水静静地从他的脸上流下来。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"她苍白的嘴唇颤动着。
她说:“杰克,”Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."他很快就打断说:“嘘,不要说话。
”But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.但是她坚持要说,她以疲惫的声音说:"I have to talk.I must confess.”“杰克,我一定要说。
我必须向你坦白。
”"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.满脸泪水的杰克说:“没什么好坦白的。
"It's all right.Everything's all right."没关系。
一切都没事。
”"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."“不,不,我必须死得安心。
我一定要坦白我对你不忠;红杏出墙。
”Jack stroked her hand .杰克抚摸着她的手。
"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.他啜泣着说:“海伦,现在你不要担心了。
我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"不然我为什么要毒死你呀?"相亲After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.""Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"和盲约对象呆了一晚上后,男人再也受不了了。
他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话,这样他就能借故先离开了。