JO: Honey, don't let that cloth get too close to that burner.LIZZIE: I know, Mother.JO: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know you're not a small child. ( phone ringing ) JO: Hello? Oh, hey, Debbie. Well, if you can't baby-sit tomorrow night you can't baby-sit. No, I'm not angry at you for calling me last minute. Okay. Bye-bye. ( sighs )MA TT: Why is Mom mad at the meat?JO: Oh, hi, honey. How was practice?MA TT: Zachary Greenwald accidentally fell on a sprinkler head and had to get stitches. It was really cool.SAM: And Matt came very close to actually kicking the ball. Didn't you, champ? MA TT: Oh, yeah.SAM: (mouthing) "No way."JO: Oh, Debbie Gotchalk called. She can't baby-sit tomorrow night.SAM: Well, is there someone else we can get?JO: Oh, oh, don't get that Olivia Skivin. She makes us listen to county-western non-stop. ( country music plays )MA TT: Not Mrs. Harvey. She smells dead. ( organ plays )JO: We're not going for Tammy up the street 'cause she makes more an hour than I do.SAM: No way we're going with Mrs. Jaffey. Who lets a ten-year-old boy drink an entire quart of maple syrup?MA TT: I liked her.JO: Well, we've got to find somebody.LIZZIE: Well, I was thinking... I was thinking, maybe I could...JO/SAM: Baby-sit?JO: Honey, we've talked about this. Y ou know, we just think...SAM: Y ou're too young. No.LIZZIE: When will I be old enough to trust? When I'm 50?SAM: Maybe. We'll see. Where's Mrs. Doubtfire when you need her?LIZZIE: Dad, no...SAM Hmm... this isn't cheese, is it?LIZZIE: It's candle wax.MA TT: ( laughing )----------- THEME SONG -----------* If you believe * * We've got a picture-perfect plan * * We've got you fooled * * 'Cause we only do the best we can * * And sometimes we make it * * And sometimes we fake it * * But we get one step closer each and every day * * We'll figure it out on the way. * ( school bell rings )MIRANDA: I think the perfect town would be 500 Hot Topic stores and a ten-story shopping mall.LIZZIE: "Design a model community, including housing hospitals, schools, and police and fire department."MIRANDA: "Police and fire department."LIZZIE: "Housing, hospitals and schools."MIRANDA: We'll call it Boringville, U.S.A. Where do they come up with these moronic assignments?LIZZIE: The Moronic Assignment Study Guide. It's, like, this thick.GORDO: Let me guess. That's how tall Tom Cruise is. Oh, Tom Cruise isn't short. He just has small bones. Okay, Gordo-- imagine you live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everybody's predictable.GORDO: I do live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everyone is predictable. Thank you.LIZZIE: Okay, but if you could pick any business you wanted on Main Street, what would it be?GORDO: A bookstore containing the works of Navajo and Greek philosophers a coffeehouse where people only discussed music and politics a thousand-foot water slide ending in a swim-up counter where they serve free deep-fried pizza and Tyra Banks would be the Mayor. I've given this a lot of thought.KA TE: Hey, Gordo, do you know where the nearest Software Shack is?GORDO: Y eah. It's over on Collins Street.KA TE: Would they have that software that designs cities and towns and stuff? GORDO: Y ou mean CyberTown Maker? They should.LIZZIE: Okay. Kate, we're supposed to do this assignment ourselves.KA TE: Whatever.LIZZIE: Y ou're supposed to use your imagination not have some computer do it foryou.LIZZIE: Gordo, why didn't you tell me there was a program like that?GORDO: Well, it cost 60 bucks. I don't think you can afford it.KA TE: Hello! I baby-sat twice last week. But my nails are wet. ( baby crying ) 20, 40, 60. Oh, look. I have more. Kate baby-sits? Since when does Kate baby-sit? Oh, why don't they just make her Queen of the World and be done with it.GORDO: Baby-sitting sounds like a pretty sweet gig. Why don't you do it? LIZZIE: I don't baby-sit. I get baby-sat. Goo, goo, goo.MIRANDA: And plus, baby-sitting jobs are hard to get. Parents want to make sure you're "mature enough."GORDO: Well, I-I guess Kate sort of does give off some visual signals, which imply a biologically nurturing capability.MIRANDA: We get it, Gordo. She's stacked.GORDO: Y es... yes, she is.LIZZIE: I don't get it. I mean, I'm just the same age as Kate. I'm just as mature as she is. I'm responsible. And I want to baby-sit!SAM: Absolutely not.LIZZIE: But Kate Sanders baby-sits.JO: She does?SAM: (shakes head "no")JO: Uh, I-I mean, she... she does, huh?LIZZIE: Yes. And you haven't found a sitter for tonight. And you expect me to ride abus to school all by myself. Why can't you trust me to baby-sit?JO: Hmm...TOON LIZZIE: I think I'm getting a nibble here.JO: (to SAM) Maybe she has a point.LIZZIE: And Miranda can help me. She watches her baby sister after school. ( baby crying ) Ugh!SAM: Sweetheart, you're just not ready yet. This is a big responsibility.LIZZIE: Y ou've always told me I can do anything if I set my mind to it, honey. And I've set my mind to this. I can do it.JO: We do say that, Sam.TOON LIZZIE: Ooh, I'm really getting a nibble here.SAM: But... Matt can be quite a handful.JO: Matt! What would you do if Lizzie baby-sat you? ( TV playing )MA TT: I don't know. Watch TV, I guess.SAM: Thank you for the help, pal. ( sighs ) All right, maybe we can give this a try. LIZZIE: ( squealing ) Thanks, Dad. It means a lot to me that you can trust me. I'll do a great job.LIZZIE: Okay, the Coco Rocks box will be City Hall.MIRANDA: I just ate the Mayor. ( giggling ):LIZZIE: It'll go right there.SAM: Lizzie, I added some numbers to the emergency phone list. Also, I've moved all the cleaners out from under the kitchen sink. And whatever you do do notopen the door for anybody.LIZZIE: And I won't follow the trail of bread crumbs to the Gingerbread Witches' house. Dad, don't worry. ( door bell rings )JO: Hey, Gordo.GORDO: Hi, Mrs. McGuire. My parents said I could come over if that's okay with you.JO: Oh, sure. But Lizzie and Miranda are baby-sitting Matt so I don't know how much fun you're going to have.GORDO: Oh, I know. I'm not about fun. I'm about the green.JO: Lizzie?LIZZIE: Money.GORDO: I'm going to earn my money indoor sitting on a sofa eating someone else's popcorn.MIRANDA: Hey, that's mine.SAM: Lizzie, Matt's bedtime is 9 o'clock.LIZZIE: Yes, Dad, I know. Dad, listen, everything's under control. I've got it all handled, okay?SAM: Okay, now, both our cell phones are charged and we're trusting you, Lizzie. LIZZIE: Whoa, can I hear that again?SAM: Both our cell phones are charged?LIZZIE: No, no, no. The other part.SAM: We're trusting you.LIZZIE: Yeah, that.TOON LIZZIE: * Ta-dah! * After 13 years-- trust.LIZZIE: Thanks, Dad.SAM: Okay.LIZZIE: ( chuckles )TOON LIZZIE: Wow, for the first time in my life, I'm in charge. I'm the ranking adult in the house. I'm Queen of the World!LIZZIE: Alone at last.MIRANDA: I don't see why you have to muscle in on baby-sitting, Gordo. This is how we make money.GORDO: Why should girls have a monopoly on baby-sitting?MIRANDA: Because boys have a monopoly on burping the Pledge of Allegiance. We deserve some kind of monopoly.MA TT: Hey, I love that game. I want to be the race car.LIZZIE: Tough luck. Y ou're going to watch Willy Wonka.MA TT: I've seen that ten times. I want to be the race car.LIZZIE: Well, we've got homework. If you'll be patient we'll maybe play later, okay? MA TT: All right.MA TT: Race car, race car race car, race car, race car, race car...LIZZIE: Anyone got any ideas?MIRANDA: Sorry.GORDO: I got nothing.MA TT: ( imitates engine revving ) Race car! Race car!MRS SHIN: There you go, Mr. and Mrs. McGuire. Y our regular table.SAM: Thank you, Mrs. Shin.MRS SHIN: Haven't seen you since the Year of the Tiger.SAM: Y eah, well, it's really hard to get a reliable baby-sitter.MRS SHIN: Well, glad to have you back. I'll be back with some wontons.JO: Thank you. Sam, would you please relax? It's one night out; Lizzie can handle it.SAM: ( sighs )JO: I mean it. Everything's going to be fine.LIZZIE: This had better come out of the carpet, Matt. (to MIRANDA) What'd you give him grape juice for? I told you ginger ale. At least ginger ale isn't purple. MIRANDA: Grape juice was the only thing that would shut him up. He won't do a thing you say.LIZZIE: Matt... go upstairs change your shirt and get cleaned up now.MA TT: No.MIRANDA: See?LIZZIE: (to MIRANDA) Zip it.MIRANDA: Why should I? He won't.LIZZIE: Matt, starting right now you do everything I tell you or I'll tell Mom and Dad.MA TT: Nuh-uh. Y ou want Mom and Dad to think you're a good baby-sitter soyou're going to say things went great.LIZZIE: Then I'll squash you like a bug instead.MA TT: Then I'll tell Mom and Dad. Face it. I'm in charge here.LIZZIE: No. I am in charge here.GORDO: Matt, what do you say we go upstairs and find you a clean shirt?MA TT: Okay.LIZZIE: ( gasps ) How come he does what you say?GORDO: Well, I'm an older male. He's impressed by me.LIZZIE: Well, I'm in charge here and he's supposed to do what I say, not what you say.GORDO: Who cares who says to do it. He needs a new shirt. He's as sticky as the floor of a movie theater.LIZZIE: Matt, don't lean there!MA TT: I'm stuck.LIZZIE: ( grunting ): Get... up... Matt!JO: Gosh, it is so nice being out just the two of us, for a change.SAM: Y ep. Nice.JO: Sam? Hmm? Y ou're turning your chopsticks into toothpicks. Want to settle down? Y ou're fidgeting.SAM: No, I'm not. Okay, look, I just think it was a mistake leaving Lizzie in charge. She's only 13.JO: Y eah, well, she's 13, but, I mean she never gets in trouble at school. She getsthere and back all by herself. I think she's the only one in the house who knows how to make the picture-in-picture work.SAM: Y eah, but she sleeps until noon on the weekends. She uses the picture-in-picture to watch MTV and cartoons at the same time. I got to go check on her.JO ( gasping): No, you do not. Do you know how much it meant to her that you trusted her?SAM: Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll just sneak in, look in a window. She'll never even know I'm there.JO: Okay. If I let you go do you promise me that you'll come right back here and eat your meal in peace?SAM: Y eah.JO: Okay. But she'd better not know you're there. I swear she will never forgive you.SAM: Okay.JO: And I won't forgive you till she does.MA TT: Look! It hold up newspaper.LIZZIE: Cut it out, Matt.MA TT: Look! It holds up Mom's cat calendar.LIZZIE: Gordo, can you get him to quit that?GORDO: Y ou're in charge; you do it.LIZZIE: Could you at least help? Y ou didn't come here to watch TV on the couch.GORDO: Fine. I'll watch TV in your room.LIZZIE: Miranda, get me more paper towels.MIRANDA: Pass. I'm building a ten-story shopping mall for Mirandaville.LIZZIE: Well, Mirandaville doesn't need a ten-story shopping mall. We need a hospital.MIRANDA: Fine. I'll go drink some orange juice and make a mall out of that. LIZZIE: Fine! Nobody help me do anything.MA TT: Look! It holds up Dad's briefcase.LIZZIE: I'll just handle everything by myself. ( electrical buzzing )LIZZIE: Um... I may need a little help here.TOON LIZZIE: ( click ) I hate it when Dad's right. ( click )MA TT: What's that? I'm scared. ( deep-voiced ): Look at me-- I'm a monster! Ha, ha, ha, ha! I see dead people.LIZZIE: Cut it out, Matt. ( doorknob rattling )MA TT: Ugh! That stinks.LIZZIE: It's vanilla. It's soothing.MIRANDA: Works like a charm.GORDO: Y uck! Who's burning garbage?LIZZIE: I'm trying to get some light in here and if you're not going to help me, you can at least hush up.MIRANDA: Don't tell us to hush up. We're not babies.LIZZIE: Y ou're acting like babies.GORDO: It's a shame there isn't a decent baby-sitter around.LIZZIE: I'm sure there'll be a decent baby-sitter around next time 'cause I obviously can't handle it.SAM: ( groans ) ( gasps )LIZZIE: What was that?MIRANDA: Do you think it's a burglar?GORDO: Nah. It-it's probably just a raccoon. They root around in... in the trash and stuff.LIZZIE: Yeah, probably just a raccoon. Let-let's make noise just in case. ( bell jingling )MIRANDA: ( off-key ): * My country, 'tis of the sweet land of liberty * ( loudly ): * Of thee I sing... *GORDO: I-I'm, I'm going to go and flip the circuit breaker so we can play some loud music. Real music.LIZZIE: ( huffing ) ( huffing )SAM: ( coughing quietly ) ( cell phone ringing )SAM: ( clears throat ) ( hoarsely ): Hello.JO: What is taking so long?SAM: Ahh... All the curtains are shut and I can't see in the house. ( coughing ) JO: Okay. Just get in there pretend you forgot your wallet make sure they're okay and get right out.SAM: Gotcha. ( coughs )JO: What's wrong with your voice?SAM: Uh... ( grunts) Lawn gnome. * And you say I think we will know now... * Y ou think it went away, right?GORDO: A raccoon wouldn't stick around through that racket. ( shrieks ) MIRANDA: A raccoon wouldn't do that either.SAM: Kids, open up! It's me.LIZZIE: It is a burglar. Matt!MA TT: Lizzie! ( yelling ) ( yelling )SAM: ( screaming in pain )GORDO: That ought to drive him away.MA TT: Lizzie! I'm really scared.LIZZIE: It's okay. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, okay? We're going to call the police.MRS SHIN: Y ou know, I have a cousin-- knows how to treat a lady.JO: Oh, Mrs. Shin, my husband didn't leave me. I mean, he left me but, you know, he didn't leave me.MRS SHIN: Oh, yeah, you're keeping your chin up. Brave... brave little soldier girl. ( Touch-Tone beeps ) ( phone ringing )LIZZIE: Hello.SAM: It's me.LIZZIE: It's him.SAM: I'm at home.LIZZIE: He knows that we're alone. ( phone clicks ) ( rattling )SAM: Come on, kids.LIZZIE/MA TT/MIRANDA: ( screaming ) ( screaming stops )MIRANDA: It's worse-- he's at the door.LIZZIE: Gordo, Miranda, get the train transformer.SAM: Hey! ( doorknob rattling ) ( pounding on door )LIZZIE: Now. ( electrical crackling) ( groaning) ( electrical crackling) ( groaning) ( electrical crackling ) ( grunting ) ( sizzling )SAM: Lawn gnome. ( latch sliding into notch) ( huffing and puffing ) ( latch sliding into notch )MA TT: Y ou can baby-sit for me anytime.LIZZIE: Let's get through tonight first, okay? ( shrieks) ( gasps) Gordo, get the train! Miranda fill the paint can with flour now. Come on, come on.SAM: ( laughing maniacally ) Y eah.LIZZIE: That was some fast popsicle eating, Matt.MA TT: Thanks. I have a major brain freeze. ( whistle blowing )SAM: Ha, ha, ha, ha!MA TT: Dad?!GORDO: Y ou guys have to trust me. Y ou have no idea how much that hurts. MIRANDA: Oh, my gosh. Y our poor father.SAM: ( groaning )MA TT: We are so in trouble. Ahh! Ohh! ( mumbling )LIZZIE: He was supposed to trust me.GORDO: Well, if he was spying on you-- and I admit it does look like he was-- I think he suffered enough. ( police sirens approaching )MAN ( on loudspeaker ): Sir, put your hands on your head and don't move. ( radio static )SAM: I'm telling you, Officer, I live here. My kids are inside. ( knocking ) SAM: I just came home to check on them.LIZZIE: Yes? MAN Hello, young lady. Is this man your father?LIZZIE: I don't know. Why would my father be sneaking around in the bushes late at night? Maybe that means he doesn't trust me.SAM: Lizzie...LIZZIE: It's my father.MAN: Good night, sir. And by the way, your lawn gnome's broken.LIZZIE: Y ou were supposed to trust me.JO: Y es, we were, and we didn't stick to our word, and we were wrong.TOON LIZZIE: They're admitting they were wrong? Ah! Call the news crew. Film at 11:00.SAM: It's not that I don't trust you, sweetheart. I guess I... still just think of you as the six-year-old girl that used to need me to chase the monsters out of her closet. I guess I have to get used to the fact that you're not that little girl anymore. Y ou're becoming a young lady and I have to let you act like one.LIZZIE: So, I can go on a real date?SAM: No.LIZZIE: Will you teach me how to drive?SAM: No.LIZZIE: Can I dye my hair?SAM: No.LIZZIE: Well, what can I do?JO: Y ou can baby-sit Matt next Saturday night.SAM: Y eah.TOON LIZZIE: So the more responsibility I ask for the more responsibility I get stuck with. That stinks, I think. We're trusting you. ( cracking up ) ( grunting ) Ow.TOON LIZZIE: Wow, for the first time in my life, I'm in charge. I'm the ranking adult in the house. I'm Queen of the World!MAN: Okay, we got it.。