幽默英语短句二十句1，Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.不用和傻瓜吵架，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他的水平，然后再用丰富的经验打败你。
2，Evening news is where they begin with …Good evening‟, and then proceed to tell you why it isn‟t.晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你为什么好不了。
3，Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on thevery edge of the pool and throw them fish?海豚可聪明了，你晓得不？只需驯养几个星期，他们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。
4，Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 yearstelling them to sit down and shut-up.孩子定义：你先花2年教他们走路和说话，然后你再花16年叫他们坐定和闭嘴。
5，It‟s not the fall that kills you; it‟s the sudden stop at the end.跳楼的时候，“啊~~“的时候还没死，”啪！“那才是死了。
6，Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了‘7, A little boy asked his father , ”Daddy, how mach dose it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don‟t know son,I‟m still paying.”一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要付出多大代价？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道、、、、我还在偿付呢。
8, If at first you don‟t succeed, try again … unless you fail at skydiving.如果一次不成功，别放弃，再试一次、、、、、除非你在跳伞。
9， A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.你赶不上的巴士永远比你赶上的巴士跑得快两倍。
10， It is said that 90% of the things we worry about will never happen, and the other 10% can be managed. So why dowe worry, and what is there to worry about?据说我们所担心的事90%都不会发生，而剩下的10%又完全可以解决。
所以，我们为什么要担心呢？又有什么值得担心的呢？11， I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health and love. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or feartry to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soonthey‟ll forget my number.我的“心灵电话”是为祥和、健康和博爱而设。
每当怀疑、焦虑和恐惧试图和我联系时，电话总是在占线，所以很快它们就忘了我的号码12, If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.如果你看到麻烦从路上向你走来，有一点可以确定，在触到你以前，它们十有八九会滚进路边的沟。
13， Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable .真正的困难是可以克服的，想象出来的困难时难以征服的14， If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stressand tension. And if you didn‟t ask me, I‟d still have to sayit.如果你要问我长寿最关键的秘诀是什么，我会说一定要避免忧虑、焦虑和紧张。
如果你不问我，我也会这么说。
15， It is the trouble that never comes that causes the ioss of sleep.让我们失眠的总是那些从不会发生的麻烦。
16， Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it. But don‟tworry. Worry never fixes anything.每天担心一点点，一生便会失去很多年。
如果有问题，尽快去解决。
但不要担心，担心不能解决问题。
17， Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and celebrate the journey!不要担心路不平，去为精彩旅途而欢庆。
Definition of Love 诠释爱情1)Love is a beautiful dream. 爱是一场美梦。
2)Love is sweet torment. 爱是一种甜蜜的痛苦。
3)Love is a great teacher. 爱是以为伟大的导师。
4)Love is the touchstone of virtue. 爱情是美德的试金石。
5)Love is the sweetest joy and the wildest woe. 爱情是最甜蜜的幸福，最剧烈的悲痛。
6)Love is a fool who knows not what he is saying. 爱情是一个自己不知所言的傻瓜。
7)Love is an appetite of generation by the mediation of beauty. 爱情是一种以美做媒介的繁衍欲望。
8)Love is an attempt to change a piece of a dream world intoreality. 爱情是一种吧幻想世界变成现实的尝试。
9)Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered byimagination. 爱情是一幅大自然提供画布，想象力作笔的风景画。
10)Love is not two people gazing into each other‟s eyes, butrather two people looking outward in the same direction.爱不是你看我，我看你，而是两个人朝同一个方向往外看。
婚前“三思而后行”1)Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of oins. 婚姻中三分是爱，七分是宽恕。
2)Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shutafterwards.婚前睁大眼睛，婚后睁一只眼闭一只眼。
3） It‟s not beauty, but fine qualities, my girl, that keep a husband.姑娘不是靠美貌，而是靠美德才能守住丈夫。
4） Love is an ideal things, but marriages a real thing ; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.爱情是理想的，而婚姻是现实的；如果将理想和现实混淆，则会受到惩罚。
5） We should measure affection, not like youngsters by the ardor of its passion, but by its strength and constancy.我们应该以力量和持久来衡量爱情，不应像年轻人那样只注重狂热的激情。
6) There are six requisites in every happy marriage. The first is faith and the remaining five are confidence.幸福的婚姻有六个条件，第一个是“忠贞”，其余五个是“信任”。
7）Tell me , dear, why can I pierce any target I well, but not my love‟s heart?告诉我，亲爱的，为什么我可以穿透任何我想要穿透的目标，却不能穿透我爱人的心。
8） You gave me the key to your heart, my love ;Then why do you make me knock?你给了我开启心扉的钥匙，我的至爱；那为什么还要我敲门呢？9) I thank God for giving you to me as my wife. You are truly are truly a precious gift. From across the miles I think of you and long to hold you in my arms. You are my love and my life.感谢上帝吧你许给我为妻。