要善于恭维他人,重要的一步就是要懂得为什么恭维会有助于你建立更好的人际关系。
An important step in becoming an effective flatterer is to understand why flattery helps you establish better relationships with others.恭维之所以奏效,最根本的原因是恭维符合了人类行为的一个基本原则:人们渴望得到赏识。
The root cause of the power of flattery gets at a basic principle of human behavior: People crave being appreciated.,尽管文化背景各不相同,但绝大多数人都有类似的想法。
he vast majority of people are of the similar idea despite different cultures.在亚洲文化中,人们对群体赏识的渴求一般要强于对个体赏识的渴求。
In Asian cultures the desire for group recognition is generally stronger than the desire for individual recognition.但不管怎样,人们赏识是普遍存在的。
Nevertheless, the need for recognition is present.很多人认为,工作本身带来的乐趣要比外界赏识包括恭维更为重要。
工作的乐趣也许是一种巨大的动力,但是即使是那些从工作中得到极大乐趣的人,如科学家、艺术家、摄影师也渴望得到恭维和认可,否则他们就不会去竞争诺贝尔或在重要的展览会上展示他们的作品了。
Many people hold that the joy of work itself is more important than external recognition, including flattery. The joy of work may be a powerful motivator, but even those who get the biggest joy from their work--- such as scientists, artists, and photographers --- crave flattery and recognition. Otherwise they wouldn’t compete for Nobel Prizes or enter their work in important exhibitions.恭维之所以奏效,还因为它与人们认可的正常需要有关。
尽管有一些关于恭维的书和文章问世,并对恭维极力进行宣扬,但是大多数人还是没有得到应有的赏识。
很多人无论在工作上或家里都很少受到赞美,所以对认可的渴求就更加强烈了。
Another reason flattery is so effective relates to the normal need to be recognized. Although some articles and books have been written and preached zealously about flattery, most people receive less recognition than they deserve. Many people hardly ever receive compliments either on the job or at home, thus intensifying their demand for flattery.鲜花是最常送的礼物之一,有一种传统的用鲜花表达的语言。
精心挑选的一束花卉可以传达多种不同的情感与祝福。
红玫瑰象征着爱情也象征着新事业充满希望的开端;紫罗兰是祈求受话人不要忘却送花人。
兰花以及其他精美的花卉则表示受花人认为你情调高雅, 受人尊重、出类拔萃。
Flowers are among the most frequently given gifts. There’s a traditional floral language, and a carefully selected bouquet or plant can convey a wide range of emotions and sentiments. Red roses symbolize love as well as the hopeful beginning of a new enterprise; violets beseech the recipient not to forget the donor; orchids and other exquisite blooms indicate that the recipient regards you as exotic, precious and rare.送一束鲜花能唤醒温馨的回忆,比那些仅仅显示炫耀和奢华的礼物更为珍贵。
一位顾客请花商把一束特殊的黄中透红的玫瑰送到医院 --------她母亲患重病正躺在那里。
这位顾客说, “它们一直是我母亲最喜欢的鲜花,许多年前她在自己的婚礼上捧过这种花。
”花商寻找了一个星期才找到她想要的花。
这位顾客的母亲看到鲜花后十分欣喜。
A floral gift that evokes warm recollections will be prized more than one that is simply showy and extravagant. A customer asked a florist to deliver a bouquet of a certain variety of rose — yellow tinged with red—to a hospital where her mother lay seriously ill. “They’ve been my mother’s favorite flowers since she carried them at herwedding many years ago,” she said. The florist found the flowers she wanted after a week of searching. The customer’s mother was d elighted at the sight of the flowers.此外,送鲜花还能增进夫妻间的情感。
一位医生在他 57岁的生日那天,收到了一份更意味深长的鲜花礼物。
当他下班回家时,惊喜的看到他们家门前的草坪被改变成了玫瑰园, 种有 57丛玫瑰。
他说:“这是妻子送给我的一份令人惊喜的、是我焕然一新的礼物 ------它提醒我永远别忘了她。
”In addition, a floral gift can also strengthen the emotional ties between husband and wife. A doctor, on his 57th birthday, received an ambitious floral gift. When he returned home from work, much to his joyful surprise, he found his front lawn turned into a rose garden containing 57 bushes. “It was a wonde rful, self-renewing gift from my wife —a constant reminder of her.” he said.就心理方面而言,在老年阶段有两种危险要加以警惕。
其一是过度沉湎于往事。
人活在回忆之中、活在对过去美好时光的惋惜之中、活在对已故有人的悲伤之中,都是不行的。
一个人的思想必须面向未来、面向那些值得做的事情。
只一点并不总是很容易做到;一个人的过去会逐步对他产生越来越大的影响。
他很容易自己想到,过去的情感比现在要强烈的多,过去的思维要比现在要敏锐的多。
如果确实如此,那么就应该将它忘却,如果它被忘却了,就可能不是真的。
Psychologically there are two dangers to be guarded against in old age. One of these is undue absorption in the past. It does not do to live in memories, in regrets for the good old days, or in sadness about friends who are dead. One’s thoughts mu st be directed to the future, and to things about which there is something to be done. This is not always easy; one’s own past is a gradually increasing weight. It is easy to think to oneself that one’s emotions used to be more vivid than they are, and one’s mind more keen. If this is true it should be forgotten, and if it is forgotten it will probably not be true.另一件应该死避免的事情是依恋年轻人,希望从他们身上汲取活力。
当你的孩子长大成人时,他们希望过自己的生活。
如果你继续对他们关心备至,就像你对他们年幼时那样, 你可能会成为他们的负担,除非他们对此无动于衷。
这并不是说你不应该关心他们,但你对他们的关爱应该是思想上的,如果可能的话,给他们一点仁爱,但不要过分感情用事。
动物在幼崽一有能力照料自己时就不再关心它们了,但是人类由于婴儿期较长的缘故,就很难做到这一点。
The other thing to be avoided is clinging to youth in the hope of sucking vigor from its vitality. When your children are grown up they want to live their own lives, and if you continue to be as interested in them as you were when they were young, you are likely to become a burden to them, unless they are unusually callous. This does not mean that one should be without interest in them, but one’s interest sh ould be contemplative and, if possible, philanthropic, but not unduly emotional. Animals become indifferent to their young as soon as their young can look after themselves, but human beings, owing to the length of infancy, find this difficult.在中国, 很多父母都会为孩子能够进入好学校而不遗余力地奔波, 甚至花上大笔“择校费” 为孩子进入重点学校铺路。